Calling for Pilots and All Things Queer

Green and golden shimmering scales

Passing near the flying ship’s sails

A dragon caused the loudest of wails

From the crew of the Wistful Gales

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Larger than any of the wives

Of the King of Moragorrives

It struck terror into the lives

Of the men from the Isle of Ives

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With a wingspan of thirty fat sheep

The gusts caused the ship to turn steep

The pilots prayed and the crew did weep

Until the tail passed by, in one fell sweep

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The dragon disappeared ahead

Luckily, not one person was dead

The Wistful Gales paused with dread

Should they let the beast take their stead?

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If you’re not loudly singing this story

Then you have no interest in glory

And you’re not ready for the sporty

And bawdy tales I tell! Oh Lordy!

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Aero race, aero race, the crowd did cheer

Calling for pilots and all things queer

The competition came once a year

Inviting all fools and those without fear

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Aeronauts tensely waited to race

Some would say they started to pace

High above, they lined up in place

Waiting for a sign of heavenly grace

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An archangel flittered in his gear

Drew his bowstring and pulled it near

An arrow flew to start the premier

Accidentally striking a flying deer

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The reindeer screamed, the signal to fly

The race is on! Someone did cry

The event took place up in the sky

Crowds on the ground gathered to spy

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A Golden Pegasus took the lead

Second in place was drunk with mead

Flying a plane built of mud and reed

Pedaling fast to beat that steed

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His craft was failing piece by piece

Soon his speed showed a swift decrease

He was passed over by a flock of geese

Moments before his flight would cease

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Butterflies, bats and a hot air balloon

Joined in with the fun, just after noon

Skies were filling with every buffoon

Including a raccoon riding a loon

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The idea of a dragon at their rear

Wasn’t something they thought to fear

They were too busy passing the beer

Daydreaming of a new frontier

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Amidst the ships were a foggy shroud

Where a pretty mermaid swam proud

Inside a dark and stormy cloud

Unbeknownst, the dragon had plowed

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And that is how a mermaid did fall

Into the arms of Captain McCall

The amused man was deep in thrall

He caught a mermaid without a trawl

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The skies above did quickly blacken

Looking upward he saw a dragon

Dropped the mermaid on her wagon

And shouted loudly “Get dah gun!”

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The dragon was nearly out of sight

Before the Captain could cause a fight

On the radio they called to excite

“Watch out friends, there’s a dragon in flight!”

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The dragon flew past many things

Many of which had makeshift wings

Trapeze artists with magic strings

Lots of insects with painful stings

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Her appearance seemed rather abrupt

No one liked the unexpected disrupt

They certainly didn’t like being whooped

By leathery wings and the force they gust

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Further ahead was an army of Fae

Flying close together on this day

In the center, flew the Queen May

She warned her offspring not to stray

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Very shortly, the dragon drew near

Fluttering wings was all they could hear

They didn’t have time to steer clear

Some broke away, poked it with a spear

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An accident happened, giving a scare

The dragon inhaled the queen’s heir

Sucked her down with a gulp of air

And shot her out of her big derrière

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The little girl was covered in foul poot

Smelling like pumpkins and rotten fruit

Happy the dragon thought to toot

Or she’d be stuck in that dragon’s shoot

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The dragon was nearly in the lead

Catching up quickly to the steed

The golden Pegasus was fast indeed

But dragons breathe fire when they need

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On the dragon’s tail flew McCall’s crew

Flying their ship The Morning’s Dew

They slowed and hovered under the two

With high hopes for some barbecue

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The Pegasus was determined to stay

He was going to win the race today

No one was going to scare him away

The horse ran faster “neigh, neigh, neigh”

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The dragon bit the pegasus’ leg

The Pegasus then started to beg

But the dragon shrieked, “That’s my egg!”

“Out of my way, or you’ll need a peg!”

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The winged horse gave up the chase

All the aeronauts slowed their pace

They hung their heads in solemn disgrace

When they understood the dragon’s haste

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The winning prize was a chunk of gold

In the shape of an egg, they were told

The truth was, they all had been trolled

Whoever it was, twas very bold

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To steal the egg of a great beast

Was very brave at the very least

Even if you weren’t already deceased

Chances of death surely increased

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The dragon swooped down and took the prize

No one contested, for they were wise

She flew away as they cried their goodbyes

To the golden egg, their grand surprise

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It was the greatest aero race ever

Some thought it was a wasted endeavor

Others thought the winner was clever

Taking the secret to his grave forever

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Rumor tells of a famous fruit fly

Who only had a day to live and die

He dreamt of winning the race in the sky

With only one day, he decided to try

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Flying as fast as a bug could dare

The little guy raced to the grand affair

He rode on the back of a winged bear

Until he discovered a flying hare

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The fly hopped over to Santa Clause

Yup, he was racing too, just because

The bug loved Nick’s jingling balls

But a bird grabbed him up in her claws

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She carried him fast to the finish line

And there she dropped him like a dime

He relished his prize throughout his time

There he lived till the end of this rhyme