Blue as me

I have known since I was 8 years old that I lived in black and blues.

each cell is dark and painful

I had no idea how to be any other color

I desperately wanted to be yellow it looked happy

Other kids went out to run in the sun.

I was drawn to the gray of rain clouds and the

darkest blue of thunderstorms. That's where I lived.

The doctor said make her go outside,

tell her to stop this nonsense. She's gold not granite

Mom was blue as well, Dad well, he dismissed me as

taupe will do.

There's no way to stop it the doctor said. She has to snap out of this herself.

The bullies that picked at me all the time made my blue run to black

I hid in my closet to avoid being seen.

I didn't deserve yellow, God was disappointed in me.

The doctor said send her to college away from your house

She feels every hurt, she's stuck in the angry red mud

Took me to college they sure did. West Virginia was to be my home

I looked at my space all drab green, like bile vomit.

This was another new color in me, the worst thing there was that there was no closet.

I unpacked and sat on my bed. The tears were so real, they

were so clearly, silver and black

I repacked myself during the night. Mom and Dad came back to say, " goodbye"

Dad saw my trunk packed up tight. I said, " yes, I did this last night.

Now you take me home or I swear I will walk every step of the way."

That resolve was as red as fire. Dad shook his head, Mom, just looked startled.

That day I knew I finally had the beginning of my yellow.

A small ray of sunshine.

The doctor said, Tom, Stella, She's going to be just fine.

Your daughter is stronger than her brain has let her be.

Sit back and watch. It's going to be a show

My yellows of lemon, sunshine's , and tulips grew and they grew

No, friends, I never could completely stamp out the blue

but now as I write this my color? I'll leave that up to you.