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Amazon Erotica

be real careful which option you tick

By Brenton FPublished 2 months ago Updated 2 months ago 1 min read

i ordered a box full of assorted sex toys

from the Amazon online

my dog got the box before i got home

and now i’m trying to tell the cops it’s not mine

an "Assblaster 5000"

is in a hundred different purple bits

so is the limited edition poly rubber set

of "famous replica tits"

a whole box full of different sized butt plugs

has been strewn across my lawn

an alien landscape if ever there was

looks like it’s been raining porn

dildo attachments and cheap gimp masks

just lying there from fence to fence

judging by the snapping of some of my neighbours blinds

litigation will shortly commence

imported strap ons and rip starter beads

lay randomly from my gate to my door

i hear a little girl walking by ask her dad

"What’s all that stuff for?"

a treasure trove of perverse and carnal goods

lay aimlessly on my front grass

there's no way i can hide all this in time

it may as well be up my own arse

surreal poetry

About the Creator

Brenton F

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thoughts and the thought has found words - Robert Frost

A. Old enough to know better and young enough to do it again

S. M

L. Eastern Melbourne, Australia

Thank you for reading!


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Comments (23)

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  • Jason A2 months ago

    This is hilarious and would be even more so if based on real events.

  • Bev Cobbett2 months ago

    Omg! I have a dog just like that! Can totally imagine this. Lol

  • D-Donohoe2 months ago

    That was a great read! Thank you very much, well played Sir, well played.

  • Angelina F. Thomas2 months ago

    super hilarious. Keep up the great work. Please and thank you.

  • Suzsi Mandeville2 months ago


  • Elysia Dawn2 months ago

    I guess the lesson here is you shouldn't order sex toys from Amazon.

  • River Joy2 months ago

    Haha this was hilarious 😂 congrats on the top story.

  • Congratulations on your Top Story❗❗❗

  • Lmao 😂🤣I just laughed so hard for like 5 minutes....

  • Paul Stewart2 months ago

    I....I...just knew this was going to be the kind of poem you shouldn't read while drinking or eating anything! hilarious but so clever too! Congrats on a well deserved Top Story!

  • Leslie Writes2 months ago

    LOL This is great!

  • Donna Renee2 months ago

    🤣🤣🤣😱 oh nooo!

  • Kendall Defoe2 months ago

    I sense a theme... 🤔

  • Melissa Ingoldsby2 months ago

    Oh my gosh. 🔥🔥🔥🔥♥️♥️😂😂😂😜😜this is too good!!! Hilarious love it. Hearted. Congratulations on top story

  • Cathy holmes2 months ago

    hahahahaha. This is great. Congrats on the Top Story.

  • Heather Hubler2 months ago

    Congratulations on Top Story!!

  • Naomi Gold2 months ago

    LOL! 😆 Well done… seems you did your “research” on adult toys.

  • Thavien Yliaster2 months ago

    Erotic toys strewn across Your lawn? Your dog got to the box while You were gone. The yard is littered with toys. Yet the neighbors won't make a noise. You might find a jeweled plug glittering at the buttcrack of dawn.

  • Thavien Yliaster2 months ago

    I should've expected this coming from the person who made the poem "Reach Around." This is hilarious. Reminds me of the meme where one kid finds his sister's infinity rings.

  • Dana Stewart2 months ago

    O-M-Gee, hilarious! The dog playing with the sex toys! Great umm, flow too. :)

  • Heather Hubler2 months ago

    Hahaha!!! Oh Amazon, they need to package their 'health and wellness' stuff better. This was hilarious!!

  • Stevi-Lee Alver2 months ago

    Hilarious! And what will the neighbours think? Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the imagery: assblaster in a hundred different bits

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