All I Want

I never thought you’d be the reason I’d learn to hate myself.

I never thought you’d abandon me.

Leaving me stranded,

Waiting on someone to come and save me.

Tears streaming down my cheeks.

I never thought this would end between us.

I never thought that my world would come crumbling down around me.

Filled with darkness and decay.

~

There’s no room to breathe.

There’s no solid ground to hold me up.

I scream out your name,

But you refuse to answer me.

You’ll never come and save me.

~

I’m so scared.

I’m so terrified of losing you.

I’ve confessed that life would be nothing without you.

And now it is.

~

Did I give too much?

Did I give too little?

What’s going on?

I’m breaking down.

My world’s crashing,

Like a tsunami washing everything away.

Where are you?

Why haven’t you rescued me?

~

What did I do wrong?

Why couldn’t you love me like I loved you?

All I want is someone to love me, hold me, cherish me.

All I want is to know that I’m loved and cared about,

The same way that I dedicated my life to you.

~

I close my eyes.

My heart hurts.

Trying to beat its way out of my chest.

Breathe…

I can’t breathe as the water crashes over me.

I won’t survive this pain.

I won’t live through this heartache.

~

Sanity starts to crack and break.

There’s a thin layer of solidity cresting on the water.

Freezing, down to the bone,

I pull myself out of the depths of the water.

I feel the scream escape my lips.

I ball my fists, feeling the nails scrap against the skin.

There’s no justice to save me.

I’ll have to learn to breathe on my own again.

I’ll have to live for me.

~

Don’t leave me alone.

Don’t leave me to my own thoughts.

That damned mirror shows me a stranger.

I’m lost without you.

I’m free without you.

I am enough.

But I’m still dying on the inside.

I want you back.

I want you to suffer like I’m suffering on the inside.

Do you?

Do you feel the pain radiating out of my soul?

~

Breathe…

Learn to live without.

All I want is to feel loved again.

All I want is to be saved.