A lost friendship lullaby

I’m too angry to cry or sob

In five seconds I messaged you

Though my life was wrought with pain, abuse and suffering

I shared with you a single shining moment

In that moment I was not trying to rob

Your energy or take away from your pain

It took less than five seconds to send it, thirty seconds to wait

You also had much to suffer for,

But I believed in our shared platonic love

A shared circumstance, a tragic story of loss and fate,

Once the forty-five second mark hit,

I sensed your silence was dreary and upset

our meeting in the messages was like your back turned to my pleading

Sixty seconds: Death rising in my throat

You wanted me to feel so bad for not waiting to tell you

Weeks after the good news

And for defending myself (after I had to defend my existence for years with the pain of my identity gone)

As I was sticking the knife in my own heart

Sixty seconds turned into forever silence with dew drops of yellow points

That you place on the dipped graph

Elevated points that create the dips in my soul

I wanted to just be your sixty-second turned forever friend

But you created a lost friendship lullaby

And I replay the minute long song in my head like an ear-worm A soft yellow lullaby that kills my heart slowly