A Hopeful Recovery

In all the days that come to pass

And all the loves that will not last

In all the hopes and dreams to shatter,

I hope I realise I matter.

In all the pain and loss and heartbreak

Nightmares, breakdowns and constant headaches

When I hit rock bottom, about to give in,

I hope I find strength from deep within.

Surrounded by darkness, trapped in a hole,

I hope I finally manage to let go

Of all the shadows the past holds over me,

So I can find light in the future and be free.

When everything grows dull, and boring, and mundane

And perhaps I grow arrogant, ill-mannered and vain

I hope I can look inwards and be reminded

Of beauty, compassion, courage and kindness

There will be times where I question everything

Looking for the meaning behind the beating of my heart

After all, endless are the countless possibilities...

But I will pour myself a drink, and phone a friend for a laugh

I hope for a better version of myself in the future

To be greater than the worst, to grow and to learn,

For right now I'm strained, I'm uncomfortable, I'm depressed

And I struggle to get up, to get washed, to get dressed

But I know deep inside that this will not last forever

And every phase of the mind is a temporary state

I've already come so far from the lowest that I've sunk

And I'll only keep on going, it's a promise that I made.

This was originally written whilst I was feeling pretty bad about life and myself and just everything, but was really trying to focus on what I want for myself in the future, trying to be realistic.

I made a promise to myself a long, long time ago that I would never give up, I would only take short breaks and then get back up and keep going, even with just baby steps like having a bath or reaching out to a friend for some much needed distracting conversation or support.

I was diagnosed with depression 7 years ago, I've been suicidal at many points since then, but I'm so grateful to still be here, I would have missed so much of this amazing world and wouldn't have met so many great people if I had given up years ago. I've done a lot of trying, a lot of failing, a lot of loving and crying and achieving and fucking up....lots and lots of fucking up!

If you are struggling, please hold on. This recovery process isn't smooth, not even close, but you're not alone and you have the hearts and support of a million survivors backing you every single day. Keep going, one day you'll do, see, feel, taste, meet, achieve something and you'll realise it was worth it.

Until then, reach out, there is always someone who understands and who will support you. Whether its online, or in person. You are not alone.

For urgent help please call Samaritans on 116 123 or for other (UK based) helplines please visit the link below;

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