3am thoughts

It was 3 am and about two months and 17 days since you left. I was at my favorite spot smoking the last three cigarettes that were left with me. My favorite spot? The place we met for the first time. It felt lonely.

I was smoking like I always did and remembered the way you used to stopped me; “is my love not enough for you to quit smoking?”. It was. Maybe that is why I threw away my pack of cigarettes at that time.

I received a message on my phone. I never received messages anymore. I was hoping it was you. But it wasn’t. It was someone else. Some random girl that texted me out of blue. How did she get my number? I didn’t reply because I didn’t wanted to waste the couple of cigarettes I was left with. But she texted me again and I had to reply because that is what you taught me; “reply to every message you receive because someone might really need you at that time”. But did someone actually need me?

I replied. But I wasn’t happy because it wasn’t you. We talked any I really don’t know when the night went away so quickly. This was the first time I replied to someone after you and the time went away so quick. I never knew someone else could had that power except you.

Today; Two years, Two months and seventeen days later. Here I am. Writing this to tell you that I found her. I found her. You always told me, “you’d never find someone like me again”. You were right. She isn’t like you and that is something I’m glad about.

Atleast we’re under the same sky, doesn’t matter we’ve ended up, you’ve gone far away. Remember when once we planned to hold onto each other forever, so what if we didn’t made it. We’ll remain in each others heart, because not every love story has a happy ending, lets give it a saddening end. There were things you wanted to tell me, and there were things I was dying to say, But you were scared and my voice faltered, So we both sewed our lips shut and buried it away. Why’d you had to go, was it that much easy for you to leave? Moving on was more easier for you then to holding on. Wherever you are I hope you stay happy and stay the same, with those giggles on your cheeks and that subtle charm on your face. You’ll always remain in my soul, because you’re the one who made me lost my mind and find my soul.

-a letter I wish I could post but I wont