Your Own Enemy: How Not To Interfere With Your Own Success?

It remains to use all this — and improvements are inevitable. But in practice, it often turns out differently. And then we scold ourselves for failing. After all, it was possible to make more efforts, to include willpower.

But it may not be a matter of strength or weakness of character. Often, our destructive subconscious behavior — self-sabotage — prevents us from achieving what we want.

How to recognize self-sabotage:

Self-sabotage can be detected by the following main markers:

• You give up what you like.
• You don’t get out of a toxic environment.
• You look for excuses all the time.
• You are waiting for a convenient time.
• You are always looking for a catch.
• You don’t believe that change is possible.
• You procrastinate all the time.

When you start to analyze your endeavors, you may be amazed at how many markers you notice. But that’s great because the first step to change is realizing what isn’t working.

Where does it come from?

We are humans — intelligent beings, where does this self-destructive behavior come from? It is worth understanding that our mind is not trying to make us worse, it just does not always correctly interpret the signals it receives. When we introduce a new useful habit, for our body it is a violation of the usual course of things, which means that it is unknown, terrible, dangerous.

And these definitions of the dangers are often inadequate and do not always appear environmentally friendly.

When we talk about self-sabotage, we are talking about the subconscious. And the subconscious is programmed in two main ways: repetition rate and strength of experience.

It is also worth noting that most of the neural connections are formed in childhood when we do not have enough knowledge to rationalize what happened to us or we heard. Accordingly, if a person in childhood constantly hears that he does not have the ability for mathematics, this will take root in his subconscious, and in the future, it will protect the person from any potential mathematical defeat.

Or if someone has had a humiliating experience in public speaking, then there is a high probability that this person will avoid speaking in front of the public even in adulthood. Do you feel how it can be limiting?

5 types of self-sabotage:

Limiting Beliefs.

They are also often called installations. These are the negative generalizations we make about reality. “The world is cruel,” “money is evil,” “everyone wants to use me,” “it’s impossible to change,” “life is unfair,” “I’m not capable of anything,” and others. We often get them from society, and they are deeply hidden in our subconscious.

Fear.

In general, fear is one of the oldest emotions that ensures our survival. Fear itself is not a bad mechanism, but it often fails in modern realities. And if it was really dangerous for our ancestors to leave the comfort zone, because a predatory animal could literally wait there, then in our endeavors, fear often does not allow us to take healthy risks and makes us avoid mistakes too much. How, then, to learn?

Comparing yourself to others.

Yes, this is pure self-sabotage. Numerous scientific studies have shown that our brains tend to make bad decisions by making comparisons, and our level of happiness is significantly reduced. We often deceive ourselves into thinking that comparison is useful because it makes it clear if we are not standing still. But there are many more negative consequences.

Now think about how many tools are now available for constantly comparing yourself with others?

Psychological traps.

These are patterns of destructive behavior associated with childhood traumatic experiences. And if in childhood such a pattern of behavior was the most optimal in order to avoid and survive a certain event, then in adulthood we are able to work through a particular experience rationally and move on.

Scripts.

Repetition of unhappy childhood behavior. The concept is detailed in Claude Steiner’s book Scenarios for Human Lives. He came up with three main scenarios: lack of love, lack of joy, and lack of common sense. All of them are associated with certain prohibitions that we received in childhood.

How to work with self-sabotage?

Of course, each type of self-sabotage requires a separate analysis and study. But here is a general algorithm that will help to resist the intrigues of the subconscious.

Step 1. Identify how you are sabotaging yourself: are you influenced by restrictive beliefs, fear, or a trap? Notice when it shows up, what triggers this behavior? Don’t get angry when you see yourself being destructive — be grateful. If the subconscious mind realizes that you are not avoiding awareness, but strive for it, it will give more of it.

Step 2. Study each manifestation in detail: why did you do that, what do you avoid, was there a similar situation in childhood, who could transmit such thoughts to you?

Step 3. Rationalize: evaluate how your behavior is useful and how destructive, how likely is the threat that you avoid, what can happen if you behave that way, and what can you get if you act differently? Weigh the pros and cons and allow yourself to rationally look at the situation.

Step 4. Make a detailed plan of action, taking into account what you want to achieve: what steps are needed for this, how can self-sabotage harm, how will you resist it, what little daily habit can help you achieve goals painlessly?

Step 5. If you feel that you need the help of a specialist or you do not want to be one-on-one with self-sabotage, do not hesitate — contact coaches or psychologists. This may be the most effective strategy to help you reach the top in the future.

We are all different: each of us has had our own experience, our own difficulties, and achievements, but we are all capable of changing and becoming happy. Do not be afraid of working on yourself, because it can open up new unprecedented horizons for you. Don’t wait until tomorrow — start observing your behavior today.