Win or Learn

The expression "win or lose" is pattern language used by industrial society. The Narrative is to work, work, work. Competition and work are the approach in the industrial mindset. Work to get ahead, work harder than others, all work and no play.

What if it's all a lie? What if losing was not the opposite of winning? What if we made room for experimentation? What if not winning was just a lesson for the next adventure?

What if the object of the game was to win, but if we didn't win, we could just shrug and say, "That's ok, I'm just practicing. I'll get it next time. I'll win the next round."

The Spirit of Play

When you introduce the concept of play, fun, and even joy, then there is room for a paradigm shift away from fear of failure towards the spirit of play and experimentation.

For example, instead of having a weight loss goal that is unrealistic and "hard" to achieve, you could find a way to make it a game of losing weight in more winnable baby steps. Instead of going to the gym and "working out," how can you make movement and increased activity fun? What brings you joy and a feeling of playfulness instead?

A fun adventure hiking in the mountains with friends or a bike ride on a cool autumn day is more enjoyable for most people than the idea of drudgery at a gym lifting weights or doing cardio on a stairmaster. Be playful!

How to Make It a Game

Instead of working towards a goal, how about designing a game and playing towards mastery and results? That way, if you miss your goal, you have still enjoyed the journey and progressed toward results.

Keeping with the example of the weight loss goal, let's see how we can make it a game that we can play. Introduce joy into movements and activities by finding what you like to do. Or want to learn. If you learn dancing or martial arts, that might take the drudgery out of the workout.

How can you be playful with a healthier diet? Focus on what you can eat instead of what you can't eat. Make a game of experimenting with yummy recipes for unusual foods. Each successful recipe scores you points, and when you win enough points, then you win the game. This way, it takes the focus off of the scale and helps you focus on the activities instead.

What Would You Do If You Knew You Wouldn't Fail?

Just do it! Yoda is often misquoted as saying "There is no try. Only do." The quirky Star Wars character is right: "Do. Or do not. There is no try."

It is better to do something—get started on your diet or exercise—than nothing at all for fear of failure. Better to do something imperfectly than to not do anything at all.

Win or Learn

When you play full-out like you know you can't fail or lose, then you'll feel more freedom in the playing of the game. Less pressure. More fun.

If you miss the end result, then you can re-evaluate and play again. What have you learned? How can you play with more impact the next go-around? If the diet failed, then what did you learn? What small successes can you play with next time to turn into bigger successes? What strengths can you play to?

Think of one goal that you would like to turn into a game that you can play. Now ask yourself these questions to design your game:

1. What rewards will you give yourself for the little successes along the way?
2. What is the big idea of how this goal/game will make the world a better place?
3. What strengths can you play to and focus on and therefor crowd out your weaknesses?
4. Who can play with you to help you succeed?
5. How can you introduce the idea of experimentation and play instead of fear of failure or the idea of losing?

Start writing that book! Make progress on your weight loss goal! Land your ideal job! Whatever it is that you are after, it's not win or lose, it's win or learn. When you learn, you do better the next time.