WHY IS SELF CONTROL AN INDISPENSABLE SKILL?

Do you think that self control is an indispensable skill? Do you even consider self control as a skill and know its real definition? Even if you know, and want to improve it. You are in the right place. People define self control with several different terms which include discipline, willpower and determination and surprisingly all these definitions are right.

First, to convince you it's an indispensable skill, I have to tell you what is Self-control, its examples, its benefits and of course its dark side.

What is self-control? Self-control is the ability to control behaviors, emotions, thoughts and the capacity to resist immediate impulses or temptations. Self-control is the one and only common thing between any successful person in any major. Those successful ones are the ones who have control over their life which gives them the opportunity to be committed to a daily habit or to achieve long-term goals by focusing on the aim and ignoring distractions. Also self-control helps individuals make decisions in any subject including money, work, relationships, university or school. In other words it helps you in making everyday and fateful decisions.

Types of self-control: 1-EMOTIONAL CONTROL: Many of us might have faced someone who is emotionally mature, who knows how to set boundaries and also has healthy relationships with their family, friends, co-workers and for sure partner. Do you wonder how they can manage their emotions, I am here to tell you 3 simple strategies to do for managing emotions: 1-Start positive self-talk. 2-Pause, slow down and create space when needed. 3-Naming what you are feeling by asking yourself two general questions: Do I have a high or low level of energy? Am I pleasant or not in this situation? This method is called MOOD METER. How would this improve relationships ? 1-Understand your partner and give him\her a space when needed. 2-Build trust and respect. 3-Avoid harmful behaviors like jealousy and controlling.

2- MOVEMENT CONTROL: the ability to control how and when your body moves. One of the most noticeable type of self-control because it appears in the form of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) which appears specially at a young age and is harder to control than impulses and emotions. In this case parents usually take their children to a Psychiatrist.

3- IMPULSE CONTROL: Those people who can manage urges and impulses, are the ones who take minutes before any conversation to think about the consequences of their actions or the impact of their words on others which give them a great social life.

Is self-control a skill or not? Some researchers believe that self-control is partly determined by genetics, but it is also a skill you can strengthen with practice. Of course, Self-control is what separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. The richness of nerve connections in the prefrontal cortex enables people to plan, evaluate alternative actions, and ideally avoid doing things they'll later regret, rather than immediately respond to every impulse as it arises. So to sum up, We can say that self control is a gene that exists in all individuals, it's what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom, but it may not appear in everyone without trying to show it, work on improving it and practice it. This skill includes planning, problem-solving, and decision making.

5 Examples of self-control: You might have been practicing self-control but don't realize that due to the lack of mental-health awareness. So I'm here to give a few examples: 1-Reducing screen time so you don't lose productivity. 2-Avoiding sweets because you are on a healthy diet. 3-Cancelling a going-out plan to study. 4-Having control over your purchases for savings. 5-Managing your emotional life and controlling your reactions.

6 Benefits of having self-control: 1- Strengthens relationships: When you have control over yourself this helps you strengthen your relationships by expressing your thoughts and feelings calmly and respectfully which gives you the ability to remain calm during discussions, listen to others, find mutually beneficial solutions and handle disagreements professionally whether in work which improves your teamwork and communication skills or in personal life which gives you healthy relationships with your loved ones.

2- Enhances the decision-making process: Controlling your emotions and thoughts helps you to analyse all the options so at the end you choose the best one whether it is a simple daily decision or a decision that would change your entire life. In other words, It helps you resist the urge to act on immediate desires, allowing for more strategic and fulfilling decisions by thinking in a practical way rather than emotional way.

3- Identify your goals: Avoiding the distractions and focusing on the aim, but first you need to know your goal to start working on it and I suggest you the SMART goal method and by smart I mean: S: specific Ex: Instead of wanting to study abroad you need to choose your destination. M: mesurable Ex: put a plan to measure your steps. A: attainable Ex: something you can achieve with your abilities. R: realistic Ex: something not impossible. T: time-bound Ex: always compare what you have done with the plan.

4- Improve your self-awareness: To improve any skill in life you need to understand it clearly first and then understand yourself, your emotions. To improve self-awareness, you need to know your value well and appreciate everything while knowing it happens for a reason and it is the best that could happen to you. Also you must know your weaknesses to avoid them and your strengths to work on enhancing them.

5- Weight, Fitness, and Health : It was said that “eating constitutes the greatest obstacle to self-control” (Mahavira, brainyquote.com). You might wonder what is the relationship between eating problems and self-control, though I think it is obvious why self-control directly affect your physical health while we're surrounded by weight-loss related ads for example gym ads, weight-loss surgeries, the weight of Disney princesses which is not normal but affects little girls self-confidence and I have to mention the personal struggles experienced by numerous people from different countries, continents and cultures. I also can say that individuals who struggle with low self-control are the ones who also struggle with weight-loss related issues or in other words are gaining weight abnormally frequently by eating binge.

6- Academic and Career Success : With the noticeable increase in technology, student educational-level is falling apart and this has a lot of reasons but the most crucial one is self-discipline that directly impacts grades, attendance and time spent doing homework. Students who don't have control over their screen time or time spent watching tv struggle low educational-level while they might be more intelligent than others who get good grades by having good self-control which helps them : 1-Manage their time so they can create time to study and finish all their assignments and other academic responsibilities. 2-By having emotional-control, they can manage stress and anxiety. 3-Avoid negative peer pressure that might hinder their academic progress.

The dark side of self-control : And as we know, “everything over the limit turns against it.” And self-control comes under this saying, It is a double-edged weapon; it can make you super successful in personal and professional life and it also can lead you to depression, anxiety and even burnout for example: 1-Someone who is workaholic, but by the time he starts to be unsuccessful, to have issues in his personal relationships. 2-A student whose academic life starts to affect his social life. 3-Teenagers who lose weight noticeably while thinking that they follow a healthy diet.

Self-rewarding system: To be committed to any habit or skill such as self control, you need to understand the concept of self-reward. So how to build a self-rewarding system? First, write down a variety of prizes on pieces of paper, and place them into a cup or jar. The prizes must be things that you will really value, such as a new pen, a fresh journal, or a meal out. Each time you reach a goal -it can be a small or big one- draw out a prize at random and enjoy the rush of rewarding yourself.

An advice to take back control:

“You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.”

It means: It’s not about what happens to you, it’s how you react.