Why I Both Regret and Don’t Regret My First Cross-State Move

A Bit of Background:

While in university, I met and became totally stricken with this person from Georgia. He will remain nameless due to my intense desire to protect those who are mentioned here and plus, I haven’t talked to this person in many years and I don’t want to be a “gossiper”. I was convinced by this person to finish my semester of school and move in with him, and since I’d told my parents he and I were dating, they had reacted strongly and told me in anger I needed to leave the house if I was going to date him. They later retracted their statement, but I had already made my decision and was on my way out. I made the 16 hour trip after finals and began my new life with him. There’s too much to write about it here, but I wanted to give you some background first so you had an idea about the circumstances that brought on this drastic change. As a result of this move, I experienced some very interesting changes to my life that had good and bad and horrible effects, some of which I regret and some that I’m happy about.

Why I Regret My Move to Georgia

Inability to Finish my Bachelor’s Degree

Having left my university to move across the country, I ended up with no way to fund my education, and so it took a back seat. It took several years and a GI Bill for me to be able to afford to continue my journey towards a degree. Had I just stuck it out and then joined the Army, I’d have been able to use my GI funds to cover a masters degree and set myself up better for an actual career with a better lifestyle.

Estrangement from Family and Friends

Due to a lot of bad judgment, I ended up alienating many of my family and friends for a period of years. This was very devastating to my own personal development, because I had believed I was an ethical person that made good choices. Well I didn’t make good decisions and the effects to me were terrible. Thankfully I have done a lot of soul-searching and lots of work on myself and many of those relationships have healed. There are still after-effects I’m not happy about, but thankfully I’m much much better.

Desperate Financial Woes

Oh boy have I ever! With this decision I was destined for some very desperate times. I moved more than five times, we went through many cars, were homeless, starving, and without much hope at all. I tried everything I could to survive with my husband and kids and it was pretty scary for a long while. Eventually I’ll be able to talk about it, but I still have serious issues with it and I can only talk about it as my soul heals.

Change in the Trajectory of my Whole Life

So I went from aspiring teacher in just a few semesters to living a few months worrying if I’d have enough money to last my trips to work, joining the Army, getting married, injured, homeless multiple times, children I couldn’t afford, and very little hope up until the last year or so. I suffered a lot from the choices I made, and am still dealing with issues like debt and employment issues from almost ten years ago. Never believe someone if they say that it won’t impact you that much. You never know what one split second choice can give you. Be careful with whom you trust and what you do because the ripple effect can be devastating.

Okay, so that was depressing! On to the good reasons now.

I think all these reasons are important to keep in mind when I’m down and depressed. Sometimes writing it all out helps to keep it at the forefront of what I’m thinking about, so since I am working on my mental health, a list of positives are also important to keep track of.

Here’s why I don’t regret anything:

I learned independence and how to rely on myself to live and survive

When you get to the point that it’s just you and you’re the only thing standing in the way of being able to eat you kinda learn how to make it work. You’re the money maker, you make your own decisions, and can see exactly what and where you’re doing right. It’s tough, but totally inspiring and worth taking the jump for yourself.

I have a wonderful husband and children

If I’d stayed put, I would have done fine, probably gotten married and had kids, but I wouldn’t have the kids I do now. Kinda weird to think that the choices we make in our lives determine which husband and kids we get as a result, or even get married in the first place. It would have been nice to see how life would have been, but I don’t regret my life now. I’ve seen so much growth both in mine and my family’s life that it makes me so happy. We have worked so hard and now we get to reap the benefits.

I’m uniquely qualified to help others learn how to live in dire circumstances and thrive no matter what

This helps me understand and justify my extreme suffering over the past few years. I am now very much able to talk about how to overcome extreme poverty, not having a car for years at a time, surviving from 300 calories over an entire day, and how to make your stuff last longer. There are so many little tricks I’ve learned to cut my budget to nearly nothing and still eat healthy food and (mostly) keep all my bills paid. My view is that since I’ve survived it, I can help those who are living it now. That life is hard, never look down on someone who can’t just go get another pair of shoes or buy something that’s desperately needed. You don’t know what they put down to buy what they needed. This is partly why I started my blog and offer advice on Medium.

I can live off almost nothing

This goes without saying! I know how to make food that costs pennies per serving, how to make a car last the longest, where to go to get help for food or other things, and lots more. This confidence is super nice because I don’t worry as much and earth-shattering events don’t really bug me much.

I’ve learned that my self worth is not determined by what I own or earn

Also a pretty self explanatory statement, because I understand that my personal wealth (or lack thereof) do not define me as a person. I still have value and my opinions are valid. Just because I walked everywhere for two years and more doesn’t mean I’m worthless…it means that I did what it takes to take care of myself and family. I’m not a useless member of the general society; rather I overcame extreme adversity and STILL have my ability to thrive and make do with whatever I have. It’s fantastic.