Why Experience Things Bring Us Closer

Last year was an exciting one for my dear boys, aged eight and eleven. Because of birthdays, Diwali, and Christmas, they were fortunate to receive many of the things they had been asking for all year long.

As we sat on our couch on New Year’s Day, I asked them what were their best memories from 2014. Sure, I think, they’ll be releasing the much-anticipated iPod touch or Giants jersey that holds their wish list.

But to my great surprise (and my happiness), the little one said, "My birthday party." Really? Your birthday party?

He was talking about a “baseball party” in our yard with his friends. Just an hour before it started, the sky opened wide with heavy rain, forcing seven hardworking boys to play in our small playroom until the storm turned into a little rain. That one? Oops. All right.

Certainly my oldest son, our technology expert, would have a hard time deciding between his Nexus tablet and his favorite Wii game to make his memory better. So I was even more amazed at his follow-up. "Our trip to New York."

Now, remember we are from New York, so the trip home is not for Broadway and FAO Schwartz shows. It’s about living with our family, especially their cousins, in Westchester. That's where we get meat, meet friends, share at the pool, and watch movies. We do very well in our home, but in the family we do not get to see often.

Their responses were unexpected. Haven't they just got everything they wanted a week before? I don't think so.

It is not surprising to hear that experience means more than just things. Material possessions bring us instant gratification. But it is the memories and feelings that stay with us forever. So why was I so shocked?

For some strange reason, I thought my children were different. But when they are young, they, like their parents, prove that it is their experience that means the most to them.

And it doesn't have to be a week in Disneyworld or by boat to Hawaii. It could be a great home-made meal or your street dish, given to your beautiful china.

It can be something others use to create their own information, such as a thank-you journal or a conversation pot.

It could be snuggling on the couch or tasting wine in your kitchen.

It can be as long as a year-old dishwasher or as short as a giant hunt in your yard.

It can be as good as a meditation escape or as simple as a meditation app.

Because when you think of someone in your life, your first thought is not so, what do they give me? But, how did they make me feel? That mindset is a living thing.

Emotions, whether positive, negative, or insensitive, are expressed immediately when something reminds you of someone. Many “experience” gifts evoke a different feeling of love, care, and consideration - and stay with you long after the physical object has worn out or forgotten.

And if the gift is an event that you can both participate in, it is a shared memory, something far more valuable than a physical gift.

In our world of instant gratification and everything in our hands, it is not difficult to find what you need. But with the hectic pace of life and the hustle and bustle of food, our experience can be short. We can add to people's things or we can choose to add to the memories they will cling to forever.

So, as times appear throughout the year with gifts, prizes, and other reasons to thank or celebrate, I think I can turn many things around with more experience.

How can I put my time, energy, and money into a thoughtful event and create memories instead of something tangible in their lives?

I want to give memories, knowledge, and skills to help my friends and family explore or rediscover the joys of life.

I want to help someone overcome fear, and join them in a ski lesson, or drop something on their bucket list, like the pole dancing section.

I want to make their typical day unique by removing them with a bottle of wine and a picnic blanket.

I want to throw an unexpected ray of light on their work day by bringing a delicious meal to their office.

I want to break free from busy life and start building my mind with more memories.

I want my kids to always remember what happened as their best time of the year.

I want to make friends and family feel. I want to know that I helped them to see life.

What an experience you can have for someone this year