Why And How To Control Your Negative Emotions

Anger, rage.

Anger, anger, rage — is it normal? In short, yes. These are ordinary healthy emotions that are inherent in every person to one degree or another. Like any emotion, they are a reaction to external or internal stimuli: someone upset you, you feel injustice or a threat, you are extremely tired, stressed. But when negative emotions get out of control, it can lead to devastating consequences for you and those around you. Therefore, you can get angry, but you need to do it in socially acceptable ways.

CONS OF ANGER:

Harms your physical and mental health.

When you get angry, your blood pressure rises, your heart rate increases and your hormones surge. Frequent outbursts of anger weaken the immune system, make you more susceptible to heart disease and diabetes, and can lead to sleep disturbances, stress, and depression.

Hurts your career.

Constructive criticism and heated discussions in the team are useful. But the aggressive imposition of your opinion and outbursts of anger are meaningless: they do not allow you to perceive your arguments, which are lost behind a loud voice and bright gestures. In addition, this behavior leads to the fact that colleagues, managers, and clients try not to contact you once again.

Harms your relationships.

Anger does not solve problems and repels loved ones. Outbursts of anger reduce the level of trust in a person and are especially harmful to relationships with children, even if the anger is not directed at them.

Know your anger.

Analyze and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that make you angry or angry. Perhaps you often get angry when you are hungry. Or in the morning when you are late for work. In traffic, before meeting your boss, at the sight of a person, you don’t like. Think about ways to avoid these triggers or (if that’s not possible) look at the situation differently to keep negative emotions under control.

How to relieve stress:

Even if you feel like you’re “exploding” all of a sudden, there are always “warning signs”. Study your reactions to understand when anger gets out of control. First of all, pay attention to physical manifestations that prevent anger: clenching of the jaw or fists, rapid breathing and heart rate, increased sweating, redness, pain in the abdomen, pounding in the temples, nervous walking around the room.

If you feel like you are “boiling”, use anger management techniques:

Try to calm down.

Breathe deeply, imagine something pleasant and relaxing, and repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as “control yourself,” “relax.”

Choose words carefully.

In the midst of a fight, it’s easy to say something you’ll regret later. Pause, collect your thoughts and allow the other side of the conflict to do the same.

Control, but don’t suppress.

Don’t suppress your anger. Better formulate and express your claims in a persistent, but non-confrontational manner. Remember, your task is to solve the problem that caused the anger without harming others, and not to “blow out” or “hold a grudge.”

Go in for sports.

Physical activity helps relieve stress, which can be one of the reasons you feel angry. If you feel that you are starting to get angry, go to the gym, go for a run or walk.

Keep it simple.

Don’t focus on your “righteous anger”. Does your girlfriend take a long time to get ready? Initially, lay down extra time for fees. The child does not clean the toys in his room? Close the door and walk past. Remind yourself that anger will not fix anything and will only make things worse.

Avoid generalizations.

When you are angry, avoid the words “never” and “always” (“you never make it on time”, “you always do this”): not only are they inaccurate, but they also subconsciously justify your anger by fueling a negative mood. Generalizations alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise work with you to solve a problem.

Forgive and let it go.

Dare to forgive. If you allow anger and resentment to take over, you will be trapped in a constant sense of injustice that will prevent you from building normal relationships and enjoying life to the fullest.

Use humor.

Humor, a joke, or an ironic look at one’s own expectations helps relieve tension. But avoid sarcasm and cynical humor — passive-aggressive behavior can be a sign of unexpressed (unexpressed) anger. That is, cynical humor shows that you did not cope with your anger, but simply sent it into the mainstream of caustic comments.

USEFUL ANGER.

Anger is not always inappropriate, sometimes it is even useful. “Healthy sports anger” can motivate and push you to achieve your goals. As we already wrote, negative emotions are normal, but you need to keep them under control so that they are beneficial.

Assertiveness training.

Many people think that anger management is the ability to suppress it. But never getting angry is not the best goal: anger is bound to show up no matter how hard you try to cut it out of your life. Therefore, the true goal of anger management is not to suppress, but to understand the cause of the negative emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control of oneself. When you learn this, you will not only feel better, but you will also be able to more rationally manage the conflicts in your life (and there will certainly be).

When do you need professional help?

You should consult a specialist if you are unable to manage negative emotions on your own, and anger is still out of control:

• you constantly feel upset, often angry;
• your temper leads to problems at work or in relationships;
• you avoid new events and people because you feel that you cannot control your emotions;
• your anger has ever led to physical abuse;
• you got in trouble with the law because of your outbursts of anger.

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, Ph.D., and a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people are indeed more irascible than others. This is due to both genetic predisposition and sociocultural factors, so there is nothing reprehensible in contacting a specialist who will help you learn to control your emotions.