Who Am I?

I feel absolutely insane most of the time. Thoughts take over my head what seems to be demons. Or am I making it up. You see I have many pieces of myself. Like a shattered mirror in a realm of time loops. As I try to intuitively seek out this God, Source, Creator.. I also believe that God is me and that I am all of those things.. I like to say i'm a Goddess, because why the fuck not. I always imagine myself in Greek, Egyptian, and Mayan/Aztec cultures, me being a wise Oracle, Warrioress and Queen. These are merely just pieces of the shattered mirror I mentioned. Maybe i'm crazy, I want you to call me schizophrenic, I feel like I have many personalities, or maybe i'm what people say, a multidimensional being. But this reality is filled with so many lies I don't know what to believe or who to trust, so I trust myself, family and close small knit of friends. I imagine myself as one of those old wise witch ladies that lives in isolation away from civilization with flowers and overgrown plants around her house with lots of cats/animals roaming around, AKA the crazy lady that talks to animals, I mean I'm already on that path and I accept that fate entirely. Am I becoming? Am I ascending?

I know life doesn't happen to me, but for me. Im being led to a reality I can be financially free, abundant and live a life full of adventure and joy. Meet people across the world, listen to other peoples stories as well as share my own stories. Life really has a way of pushing you down. But its all about getting back up to push back harder especially when it comes to manifesting your goals & dreams. Ive been through a lot. a-lot of it on my own, because this is my journey, my story. I often feel outcasted but I realize i'm not a follower, i'm a leader. I like to give advice. I like being a teacher. as of right now I realize I don't like working under or for other people so I really have to figure out how to make money for myself. And with everything going on in the world its becoming harder to "find a job". But I believe we aren't meant to be working, we are meant to be sharing with others. You never know who you may meet and talk about that can help progress you on your own journey. Life is nothing but a dream. Where do we go when we fall asleep? What would life look like if we were all doing the inner work of finding our truest most authentic selves and we were more kind towards one another. There is only one race, which is the human race. Separation is merely an illusion. We could do so much being in a small community of trusted people we're close with and create new worlds & realities. One of the reasons why I want to be a cultural anthropologist. Seeing how villages, tribes and communities make a way for themselves because they value family and togetherness. they genuinely want to see each other win in life, they support each other and turn nothing into generational wealth. Pure alchemy from turning thoughts into reality. But I realize that life really is hard AF. Im only 19, and it really hit me now how the world works & operates. Its just a matter of how to maneuver through it and how to truly manifest abundance in my life, a flowing abundance to where I never have to worry about rent being paid, food & water for my family. Im just trying multiple & new ways I can share my gifts and talents with the world in hopes of becoming freelance. Starting on taking up writing, i've written personal journals since I was 5 years old, and just thinking now, I can truly express my thoughts and how I feel through writing/typing. Plus I can really get everything I want to say out through writing. I like to speak but more so with people where it can be an exchange of thoughts and ideas with each other, but I would like to be listened to as well, I don't care about the fame or attention. I just want to help others, that my words can get though to someone whose struggled because being a Woman and Black and also a Pansexual Queer. My life thus far has been many identity and existential crisis' i've struggled my whole life, to be accepted, to fit in, to find my place in the world. I know wherever i'm trying to go in life requires hard work, consistency & dedication. I just have to put my mind and ability to it, and take action.

Thank You, Shelby

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