Hello Apocalypse 2020

Now is just the matter of patience. All a girl can do is imagine, hopefully this quarantine mess doesn't blow out of proportion, because I have many things I wanna do, learn and experience, and i'm sure everyone going through it thinks and feels the same way. We are all in this hot piece of shit. Alone, isolated, horny, experiencing and facing ourselves with nowhere to go, like a trapped animal in a zoo cell, some people will go crazy, some people are conceiving and making babies that will most likely be like another baby boomers phase, a dramatic increase in population. Being in a bus and at night time, it sounds like people are acting out, yelling, breaking things, it even sounds like people shooting their guns. I hear a lot of the sirens of police and fire trucks wondering what is really happening outside of this bus, it's mostly the homeless, but it's starting to feel like we’re in the Purge. We’re in some type of Apocalypse, I'm just really confused, but I try to keep an open mind, or try to let positivity in. I just really dont want shit hitting the fan, because I really dont want to live in a reality where we have to forcefully use violence in order to fucking live, I just want a peaceful quiet life listening to the birds and organismal life making their beautiful frequencies of songs, wake up to clear blue wide skies, not directly under electrical power-lines and chem trails. The world may be ending, but this is a perfect opportunity to rebuild and structure the realities we all truly want to live. I just wish people knew that. I don't know what's to come, I feel a lot of things about this whole situation, I've already been in a mental isolation and it feels like I'm relapsing into depression again, the feeling of not being able to go anywhere, feeling trapped physically and mentally. And especially a darkness that almost engulfs you. But what saved me is by coming full circle on having faith in the Mother source of all creation and celestial planetary bodies, as above, so below. Forgiveness of your child self is everything. I like to believe that I am made from cosmic love, not the physicality of my biological mother and father, but a mystical energy. I know that i'm going to be somebody I can feel it, I just haven't figured it out to its full potential yet, and I am a 19 year old writing her own autobiography, so who the fuck am I? LOL I still have life to live and i'm perfectly ok with that because I honestly have all the time in the world to live my best life.

On a beautiful Spring day: April 19th, 2020

Since we are in Quarantine I've resulted in my lazy tendencies of loving to lay down all day saying fuck you to reality and immersing myself into another world, into another realm called 123Movies.com. Thats really, I believe an illegal website of all the movies to ever come out you can find on 123Movies, but who cares. I was watching my favorite movie of all time, The Great Gatsby and that’s how I’ve become inspired to write as well, because the movie starts off with Nick telling the story of his neighbor Mr Gatsby, He was coping with Gatsby's death and speaking with who seems to be a psychologist or therapist. Nick is mourning and uncomfortable to share his thoughts, the therapist suggested that Nick write down whatever came to his mind. My mother said I needed to write everything ive experienced down as an adventure so might as well. The beauty and fun of the roaring 20s. It's like we’ve gone backwards in time, I feel like we are in the roaring 20s 2.0 perhaps. Because once people get to go outside again, people such as myself will be throwing electrifying parties and celebrations. This has made me very solidified in what I want to accomplish and do in life. My brother puts it like this: we’re in a cocoon phase by being quarantined. Everyone feels that something is about to be birthed. Government says new world order, underground spiritual channels say new earth, and a golden age is upon us, conspiracy theorists say the aliens are coming, the Bible tells us we’re living in the book of revelations. I don’t know what’s going to happen. The unknowingness of it to me feels dark and Erie but another part of me feels like everything is going to be alright. That I am protected and guided as well as my family. Which makes me think about the time our bus got searched by the police. I was scared because me and my brother were just in our moms car hotboxing, until we finally get out and in the bus, I see flashing lights through the bus windows. Mommy was asleep because she had to get up very early at 4AM and it was about 10 at night. We awoke our mother telling her that they were outside, me and Phillip hid our weed and pipes under our beds just in case (even though it’s legal, we were not taking any chances because we are trailer living on the street, and you know the stereotype of trailer people being drug addicts). I watched them through little pieces of the window so they wouldn’t see me looking at them, but they were walking around, surrounding the bus. It looked like we were gonna get ambushed by them and then on a loudspeaker they said “occupants in the blue vehicle come out of the bus with your hands up”, in my head I was like ahh shit we really finna get arrested, I was in my gown, robe and headscarf looking like a hot ass mess thinking to myself, damn im about to go to jail and this shit gonna be on my record for the rest of my life, because I don't play about my credentials. At the moment I was just really trying to listen and observe the situation, I was kind of out of body and I think I have the habit of going numb/not really being here mentally when I get scared, I become blank and really mellow. But I kept my composure. In reality all they said was that “someone else was under our bus looking like they were trying to do something suspicious, we’ve been looking for a guy”... in my head I was relieved but at the same time I was confused, thinking what the fuck just really happened.

I like to reflect and ponder on situations that happen In my life. And that shit was wild as fuck. But now I have some crazy stories to tell and annoy my future kids over and over again.

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