What My Fear Taught Me About Optimism

At 12 years old, I experienced a near-death experience drowning in a swimming pool. I remember at some point being afraid to touch the water. I swore up and down that I would never get into the water because the same scenario of me drowning would replay itself like a broken record. Flashing memories of my lungs filling up with water, me slowly losing my breath, struggling to reach the surface. I felt as if I was constantly suffering even after the situation ended. For the first few days, my nose was burning from all of the water I had consumed. I did not feel capable of being in the water anymore. In a sense, you could also say I had PTSD but thank God I survived because I would not be where I am today.

I once was a puny innocent child filled with fear, but that started to unravel over time. Now I am simply too curious and adventure-seeking. Almost something like Dora The Explorer.

Although I was in a state of fear to swim, I still had slight bravery to go in the water but not underwater. I even went far out into the deep end of oceans as if I was a professional swimmer, but still, I knew my limits. Once my feet no longer touched ground level, my instincts quickly warned me of present danger. So although I was in the water, I knew my restrictions of what I could and couldn’t do. I would tell myself I could get in the water but I couldn't swim. I would also tell myself not to go underwater. I believed those thoughts and followed my assumptions.

At most, I attempted to go underwater by gently holding my breath for a few seconds, but I would panic. Those same incidents would flash through my mind. For many years, I would get in the water but never overtest my limits. I had begun to grow wings, and eventually, I became a chicken. Surprisingly, my soaring wings helped me to fly with an extra push from my dear boyfriend. (Hero to the rescue!)

I had to prepare myself for a camping trip recently. The trip involved a ton of water sports on the river. I had no choice but to learn how to swim in case of an emergency and I would miss out on all the exciting activities. I only had a week to accomplish something so terrifying. This time, I told myself I would learn how to swim. Did I fully believe this crazy idea? No, but for some reason, I had this hope to just go for it. (Terrible idea. All I could think was I'm dead). All the optimism I had flown out of the window once I gave swimming a try.

My boyfriend along with his family even threatened to throw me in the pool if I did not get the hang of swimming. I couldn’t help but mock the sound of a chicken because I knew deep down I was not prepared. So instead of throwing me in, my boyfriend started me off with simple breathing techniques. I normally hold my nose going underwater, but I started to get the hang of breathing underwater without doing that. Afterward, I learned the swimming strokes in a pool with and without a life jacket.

In the process of learning, I failed many times, cried in fear, and got frustrated, and angry, but I still had this desire to achieve. My boyfriend warned me to get the hang of swimming in a pool than in a lake because the currents can pull you, but where I failed swimming in the pool is where I succeeded in the river. I got the hang of swimming during the camping trip. I begin to get so comfortable that I rode on a jetski. I could feel the cool breeze flow against my body and the water splashing upon my skin. I had loads of adrenaline, and I tried it again with more speed than before. I also floated down the river on a 4 rider towable (Also known as the donut).

I never thought I’d be the one engaging in water activities due to me not knowing how to swim. I got to do so many new things I’ve never done before. Once I overcame my fear, I got to experience exciting things that were unusual and out of my ordinary. For all of this, I couldn’t be anymore thankful because I don’t have that chip on my shoulder. If anything I feel more fierce and fearless. Bound to do anything.

Now onto the optimism part of the story.

What My Fear Taught Me About Optimism

Optimism is temporary. It can't be solely relied on without having faith in yourself. When you need it in the most fearful times, it’s not there for you. It’s not your right hand man or your bestfriend to lean on. When real-world situations occur, fear is our worst enemy, and it sneaks up on us at unexpected times. Fear limits our growth of who we could be and who we can’t be.

When something bad happens to us, we don’t start off optimistic about it. We are scared out of our minds, nervous, lost for words, and restrained from our abilities. We’re not our full selves, we’re absolutely frightened. What I’ve learned is that optimism pairs well with everything once you believe that you can succeed at something. If you keep filling yourself with lies about what you can’t do, there’s no space for hopefulness, positive ideas, or potential opportunities.

In my opinion, to be optimistic means being confident about yourself despite those little thoughts in your head that go against you. It’s about having the strength to say “Yes I can.” even though deep down you’re like “What the hell am I doing, I have gone nuts” but you still choose to try anyway. That is how I define optimism.

My drowning experience was horrifying but me learning how to swim was a breakthrough. I was relieved and less worried. One of my biggest fears were officially battled against, and I won. I’m the one who came out stronger and better. As a crazy optimistic junky, once hope was loss I didn't believe in myself, and that's where I would fall short every time. What I like about this situation is that one fear opened doors to several opportunities. And like my situation, imagine what your biggest fear can unlock once you take the urge to say, yes, I can.

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Interested in more frightening stories? Check out Daisha's article on Cracking The Code To Fear with Will Smith's terrifying skydiving experience.