What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the journey of discovering your inner darkness or what some may call, "Shadow Self." Shadow work is help uncover every part of your inner self. Accessing that place you repressed and rejected. Shadow work is one of the most authentic journeys into finding Enlightenment.

I am starting the process of my growth journey. Will you walk with me down this path? I am not asking you to hold my hand. However, you are welcome to join me during my most transparent journey. By chance, if it helps you as well. Then we will be healing brothers and sisters.

I am not perfect depression has taken over the best of me. However, I have been working on different platforms and building my engagement. Another goal is to come back to my love for writing my feelings down. I want to document my growth. Share my thoughts and unveil things that have bothered me for years. The plan is to be completely open. What could that do for me? People say always live in your truth so that no one can use it against you.

What emotion do you try to avoid? What makes you afraid to feel it? What are you afraid will happen if you embrace the feeling?

The emotion I avoid the most is affection weakness is showing fondness towards others. When people show me physical affection, I usually do not know how to receive it. I am sure it has to do with my overthinking. Is this genuine? Is this fake? Why are they touching me? Wow, this is awkward! All things that rumble through my mind when people show physical affection towards me.

The truth of why I feel uncomfortable with physical affection is a couple of things. One sexual abuse throughout my life made me extremely uncomfortable with the physical sentiment. Yes, I know the questions are coming. How were you sexually active? How can you be uncomfortable: if you still did it? I became promiscuous hoping guys would notice me, too.

Yes, I had daddy issues. I've never met my father; he passed away in 2014. So, I will never meet him. That tore me to pieces. I felt I would never be enough.

Bullying was an experience during my middle school days. Mainly, told I was ugly because I was too skinny. I was the awkward kid in school, the not so popular girl. When you do not talk to your parents or have that kind of relationship with your parents, you look to your friends to teach you what you want to know. Who better to teach girls about something as important as intercourse other than another blind mouse, but I digress. The girls that were getting attention were doing things that I was not necessarily comfortable with doing.

To the point, when I went in for a regular check and the procedure, intolerable. My provider told me I was not ready for intercourse. The right thing to do was to wait until I was comfortable. The best advice he could have given me. Did I listen? No! I wanted the attention. I wanted to be "in the in-crowd." It was never worth it looking back. To sum it up, I am afraid to feel physical affection because of my previous self-sabotaging behavior. All things that I am working on getting past.

By leaning into what makes me uncomfortable, righting my wrongs. The is all apart of the growing process to work on inner conflicts that I don't discuss, subconscious conflicts that a repress. My biggest fear is rejection. I am sure that might be cliche to some honestly, I have never felt accepted even in my previous marriage. I am working on affirmations, where I speak my deserving of love and affection from the right person and where it means something.

My growth is my journey. The process is the path to Enlightenment. Practice healing from things I never discussed while being a more resilient, honest, kind, and loving person. Wash away the self-pity and hate. Follow me for more.