What I do when I Feel Shy

I used to be incredibly shy. It's not that I didn't like people, but I was afraid of saying something stupid or embarrassing myself.

It took a long time and a lot of work to learn how to manage my shyness, but it was worth it!

When I'm feeling shy, it's usually because there's something that I want to do or say but I feel like other people are going to think it's weird or stupid. So here are some things that help me get past that:

1). Focus

I focus on my goals. Focus on the person or people I'm talking to. It's usually easier for me to speak up if I'm focused on someone else's needs instead of my own. I try to focus on the bigger picture.

I get shy when I'm in front of a large crowd, and I have to speak with authority. I still remember my first speech in university—I was so nervous as I walked up to the podium that my hands were shaking a little and my mouth had gone dry. I knew that if I didn't pull myself together, it would affect the quality of my speech. So I stood there for a minute and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Then I focused on what I had to do: deliver this speech.

After that, I was able to remind myself that my fear was not an issue that the audience cared about. They just wanted me to say what I had practised and move on. So instead of worrying about how they might judge me, or whether what I was saying would sound dumb, I focused on making sure the points were clear in my head so that they would be clear for the audience too.

By taking a minute to focus on what was important, and reminding myself that the audience's perception of me wasn't relevant at all, and by just doing it anyway, despite being scared as heck, I feel like it turned out okay.

2). Weigh my gains versus losses

I weigh my gains and losses before I go into a situation. If it feels like it will be too uncomfortable, then maybe I should sit this one out. But if the benefits outweigh the costs, then it's probably worth it to push through.

If I don't do something because of my shyness, what am I losing out on? Is it an opportunity to make a new friend? Is it a chance to learn something new? If the potential gain outweighs the loss of staying shy, then that's a pretty good indicator that I should take the risk and do what makes me uncomfortable.

For example, if you're afraid to give a presentation in front of your class, try comparing your fear of public speaking with your fear of failing the class because you didn't do the presentation. Which one seems scarier?

3). Manage my fears

Being nervous is okay! But being fearful is different—it means that you have no control over the outcome and are unable to handle whatever comes next. So remember that fear is not a good guide for how we should act; instead, focus on what you need from a given situation and take things one step at a time.

I manage my emotions through a combination of things like deep breathing exercises, visualization techniques, and physical activity. This helps me get into a better mindset before facing whatever it is I'm afraid to face.

Visualize them (Imagine your nervousness as a box—it's there, but it doesn't have to take up all your space.)

When I'm in a situation that makes me feel shy, What is the worst thing that could happen? Do I care if it does? What would be the best thing that could happen as a result of my actions?

Once my fears are under control, I just go ahead and do it. It's not always easy, but it's amazing how the experience itself can become a confidence booster!

4). Don't focus on what others think

I focus on the fact that what other people think of me is not my business. That's a huge thing for me—and it's something that takes practice. If you're someone who worries about what other people think of you, know that you're not alone. Even celebrities struggle with this. But if you start thinking about what other people see and hear when they look at you and listen to you, it can be really helpful to remember that those people are not in your head and you're not a mind reader, so who knows what goes on inside their heads? They don't know your thoughts or feelings, and they have their own lives to live and their problems to worry about. So the best thing we can do is just keep our heads down and keep doing our own thing—and let other people worry about themselves!

Don't let yourself get bogged down in what others think about you when you're doing something difficult. Some people might laugh at your attempts—or even your successes—but there are many more people who'll be impressed by your courage and applaud your efforts.

And then I tell myself: “It's okay if someone has something negative to say about me—it doesn't mean I have to believe it.” And that's not just true for me—it's true for any of us

5). I just do it anyway

The moment I start feeling shy, it can be hard to think about anything else. But some of my best memories are from when I pushed myself through the tough parts of meeting new people or speaking in front of a crowd.

When I feel shy, I try to remind myself that it's only temporary. It might be scary to go up to that person and talk to them, or it might be embarrassing to ask someone a question, but the chances are the feeling will pass. And even if it doesn't, I know that if I just do it anyway, life goes on!

I try to focus on what I'm doing and just do it. I try to ignore those feelings of overwhelm or nervousness, and just focus on what I'm doing.

Now that you know my tricks, why not try them yourself?