What Do You Do When You Stop Seeing Your Life?

Listening to a group of people talking about several famous musicians who ended up on drugs, alcohol, suicide, and other things that contributed to their death before their time.

Someone in the group ignited a fire in my mind when they asked, “I don’t understand. How could Prince, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Dennis Brown, and others end up on a path to drug addiction and other contributors to their death? They are gifted minds. These humans have a creative, innovative imagination. How did they get on the path to self-destruction? They have resources at their disposal, billions of humans dream of. Yet, still they self-destruct. How?”

Prince: Cause of death: Accidental overdose of counterfeit hydrocodone/paracetamol pills laced with fentanyl [1]. An autopsy confirmed that Prince died on April 21, 2016, from an accidental self-administered toxic dose of fentanyl, a synthetic opioid pain medication.

A second inquest into the death of singer Amy Winehouse has confirmed that she died of alcohol poisoning after binge drinking following a period of abstinence.

Michael Jackson died from acute propofol intoxication and a lethal combination of sedatives that caused cardiac arrest. [1, 2, 3]

Kurt Cobain died by suicide from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, as detailed in historical records. [1]

Jimi Hendrix died from asphyxia after choking on his own vomit while intoxicated with barbiturates. [1, 2]

Dennis Brown died from a collapsed lung (pneumothorax) following severe respiratory issues, pneumonia, and cardiac arrest. [1, 2, 3] Contributing Factors: Reports note that his weakened physical state was also linked to long-term struggles with substance use. [1, 2, 3, 4]

His words reached my heart, soul, and mind. I, too, knew many humans who have what most humans, on the outside looking in, call everything. We examine the outside lives of famous people and think they have it all. Their wealth, fame, power, and attention- we believe that is ALL. That is most humans’ version of ALL. People who have it ALL should be happy and want to live. We expect them to live healthy, happy, productive lives because they have everything.

What is your version of everything?

Prince died of addiction to prescription pain meds. He could afford the best doctors for whatever ails him.

Were any of these famous singers thinking about their lives and their value? Were they aware of themselves, their lives, and how they were living it?

Did they stop seeing their lives while living them?

Yoga and meditation are my pain meds. I have no health insurance. If I am sick and have no money to go to the doctor, I die. This is my world. Prince and the others have resources that can prolong their lives. With their unlimited resources, they could all afford to eat and live healthy lives. So how did they end up on a path that led them on the road to death so early? How does one leave wealth, fame, power, and status to suicide, drug overdose, alcohol poisoning, etc.? I demand from life?

“The opposite of what you see with your limited resources,” Life answered.

“What is that?” I asked.

Hearing giggles, I glanced around. The people who ignited the fire in me have moved on to a different topic.

A voice close to me said, “You take good care of yourself not because you know you have no health insurance, but because you can see your life facing you as you live it. Poverty and constantly fighting life for whatever reasons make many of us aware. You can see, feel, hear, and understand life around you too. You can see the value of your life because it’s never easy. So you try to live a damn good one that doesn’t threaten your health, sanity, and peace of mind, because you spend all of your life fighting.”

“So the easier many of us have life, the less value we put on it?” slipped from my intuition 

“How many wealthy people live, it seems that way,” Life answered.

Silence embraced me as these words seeped into my body, heart, mind, and soul, understood. Yes, my life has never been easy. I am aware of life, living, and myself. At night, as I lay down, I retraced my day. I have a tape recorder in my head, brain, and heart that replayed my day. Then I give gratitude. Beg my creator for forgiveness for anything wrong, cruel, or thoughtless I did. Then ask him to make me better tomorrow than I was today.

I don’t have a lot, but I value my life enough to live well. I can see myself in all of my actions, choices, and decisions as I live. That has helped me make sensible decisions in life. I know my life and what I wnat for myself.

Can you see your life as you live it?