We Can Choose to Be Miserable or to Motivate Ourselves

Most of Us Have Been There

Unless in deep meditation in a Himalayan cave for many years, most adults at one time or another have been miserable, or have hovered closely to it.

We may have been desperate, forlorn, or depressed.

Whether as a result of monumental trauma, abuse, mental illness, physical challenges, or tragedy. Or from less crushing day-to-day survival.

Coming to Terms With Internal Feelings

I was at a stage in my life where ennui was predominant. The malaise had become a more frequent companion than contentment. Although I lived a comfortable, middle-class existence, it had become humdrum. The mundanity was suffocating.

Like all earthlings who hang around long enough, my "comfortableness" level had been frequently rearranged over the years by the usual suspects. Loss, chronic illness, and financial setbacks.

Adopting An Attitude

Nevertheless, the genetic gods had blessed me with a generous smattering of upbeat juju.

To not maintain a positive outlook or to be unhappy, or even dissatisfied, for extended periods was impermissible in my world. I accepted the cards dealt me, figured out solutions, moved on, and didn't dwell on the past. This planetary visit is too brief not to fully partake of its joyful aspects.

In my 20s, I adopted a trite saw and lived by it with relative success: "Never Explain. Never Complain."

That credo allowed me to weather storms and maintain relatively clear lenses of my rose-tinted shades through ups and downs.

I learned that explaining oneself rarely means a tinker's damn. Unless arguing a case on behalf of a client before a judge or garnering important points in a competition, explanations fall on deaf ears.

People have personal opinions and biases and care little about mine or yours.

And, unless you were a more accomplished con artist as a child than I, explaining naughty or unacceptable behavior to parents was also an effort in futility.

Complaining is even less appealing. Despite conscious attempts to not be a chronic whiner, indeed, I have engaged in sufficient moaning and groaning.

A wiser, older friend's comment has resonated with me for decades; however: No one wants to hear us complain.

If waxing philosophically, whose company do we prefer? Chronic complainers or cheerful optimists?

State of Malcontent

In the big picture, I had nothing of merit to carp about.

I wasn't homeless. I wasn't destitute. I wasn't suffering a fatal disease. I wasn't without friends. I wasn't unemployed.

My discontent probably wouldn't even qualify as "unhappiness"--if that or its counterpart "happiness" is quantifiable. A pervasive dissatisfaction, though, troubled my inner countenance. It had been increasingly marinating for several years.

Attitude Adjustment

I recall a direction of my youth--from an authority figure regarding something--about the need for an attitude adjustment. The counsel of that era meant to quit whining or stop being petulant.

I needed an attitude adjustment. How to achieve it was the "Big Question?"

Reflection and Analysis

My lifetime modus operandi, whenever things felt amiss, or answers failed to materialize quickly, was to read, study, contemplate, read more, reflect, and analyze.

It took a few years of immersion: analyzing, soul-searching, reframing, and reprogramming. Amidst this process, I concluded my malaise was from a profound disappointment with the state of the United States' affairs and lifestyle.

Over the prior twenty years, it seemed a significant shift in values and priorities had occurred. To the detriment of the collective concern for greater humanity, a selfish, materialistic obsession had become increasingly prevalent throughout the country.

That perception was borne out by the 2016 US Presidential election outcome and its aftermath, a topic for another time.

The More Society

Everyone worked more to spend more to accumulate more to buy more to gain more status or better jobs to feel more important to move to more impressive houses and acquire more expensive toys and cars and take more vacations to recover from overworking to return to the same rat race of moreness.

The More Society. Few people were happy or contented.

A World of Less Materialism

I had yet to travel to Asia. However, I heard countless tales from those who had how residents living in extremely impoverished circumstances were far happier than Westerners.

Furthermore, the Taoists, Buddhists, and Hindus I knew in the States were more contented than my Christian, Jewish, or agnostic friends.

Another comment from a Buddhist nun at a New Year's ceremony at a stupa in Sedona. Arizona stuck in my mind. She claimed that Buddhist monks who had lived or traveled the world felt most sorry for Americans.

Immersion and Reprogramming

By this juncture, I had been a certified yoga and medical Qigong teacher for nearly thirty years. China, to some extent, but primarily India, the birthplace of the 5,000-year-old ancient practice of yoga, beckoned. I dove into immersive self-study, focusing on various Eastern philosophers and religions.

It is easy to read a few tomes by brilliant philosophers or wise teachers and proclaim: That sounds like an excellent philosophy. I shall adopt those suggestions. Or, blithely announce: I want to live like that.

It's more complex, however, to change one's lifestyle and mindset via proclamation and positive thinking. To adopt a new habit, the experts tell us takes thirty days.

I needed a serious attitude adjustment. If I wanted to change my life, it would take time, commitment, and dedication. And it would require far longer than a month.

The choice was mine. Do the work or not. I chose to make the effort. It took years to shift my perspective--to make my attitude adjustment.

I found favorite teachers and philosophers whose messages resonated. I read and reread books. I highlighted, took notes, and wrote affirmations. I meditated. I spent vast blocks of time in silence.

I listened to the same tapes repeatedly hour upon hour to assimilate the messages. Every moment in my car was spent with taped lectures.

I quit wasting time on unproductive endeavors, watching television, or needless time on the computer.

I stopped socializing with people whose primary focus was making, accumulating, or talking about money. I allocated time with engaging or inspiring friends.

I distanced myself from toxic negativity in all aspects of my life.

Most critically, I examined: What was important to me? How did I want to spend the remainder of my life?

Constant Choices

We make myriad daily choices, from the insignificant of what to eat for breakfast to the more meaningful of what values to cultivate and integrate.

From my passionate study, I concluded that two simple approaches to life exist. love-based or fear-based one. Most of us choose the latter.

The majority of us--at least in the West--live from a place of fear, day in and day out. A classic example is those who watch news broadcasts and are constantly bombarded by fear and negativity.

I eschewed all visual news twenty years ago. And believe me when I say that I was the poster child of a news, world affairs, and political junkie.

We're Programmed To Be Fearful

Fear is programmed into our essence from toddlerhood. Parents, teachers, friends, and strangers counsel us to be afraid.

Be careful crossing the street. Don't talk to strangers. Don't go out alone. Don't go out at night. Don't do this. Don't travel to this country.

The "What If Fear" Choice permeates our existence as well.

What if I get sick? What if I lose my job? What if I leave this unhealthy relationship? What if I don't like the new place I'm moving? Or the most defining: What if I don't have enough money?

It's no wonder, as a culture, people feel dissatisfied, unhappy, or even miserable.

My choices were also two.

Despite finding my world drearily dull and unfulfilling, I could motor along as in the prior decades. Or, I could change my lifestyle.

One of the many teachers whose works I devoured during my re-examination and re-programming stage was inspirational writer and former therapist Dr. Wayne Dyer. His pity, unvarnished counsel was:

Be Miserable. Or Motivate Yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's your choice.

A Personal Decision

I chose the love-based route. I would not succumb to malaise or continue buying into the More Culture.

My choice was not to be miserable. Instead, I would carve out a personally meaningful existence that both resonated with my conscience and how I wished to spend the final quarter of my life.

I had commenced the hard work, the examination, and honest reflection. My soul-searching quest would continue. The next phase would take me first to India.

A favorite Indian philosopher, Jiddu Krishnamurti, frequently advised that we are each our own gurus. The problem is that most of us are too lazy to do the required work to explore and understand ourselves. Instead, we seek teachers, preachers, and other experts for guidance.

Observations

Not being miserable and motivating oneself is easier preached than practiced.

When we feel angry, upset, discouraged, or depressed, envisioning a way out can be overwhelming. Others consider the notion a cheery, ridiculous, or unattainable platitude.

A person in deep despair or depression may require professional guidance. Often, though, we can commence the initial steps ourselves.

The first and critical one is identifying the root cause of sadness or unhappiness. It may not be immediately evident and take effort, time...and work to ascertain.

Humans are adept at finding excuses, avoiding the obvious, or choosing the easiest path. Pain avoidance is a paramount defense mechanism.

Taking baby steps is an easier method to process and begin to adopt changes.

Psychology Today published an article about how to be less miserable. It identifies twelve steps, not to be confused with the more famous 12 Steps, albeit an interesting number to use.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201708/12-steps-being-less-miserable

No shortage exists of advice in books and articles, from support groups, and via counseling.

My trips to India and other Asian countries gave me what I sought at the time. As a "work in progress," my examination, reflection, and conscious living continue. As they should. As they must.

Thanks for your time reading this.

May you never be miserable. But in times of stress, please know that resources abound to provide assistance.