Touchstone

One bright, Sunday afternoon I stretched across the arms of the overstuffed recliner in the family den, with a yellow memo pad in hand. Scrawled in cursive rows I had listed out some of the nicer items I could easily crochet, and, while chewing on the end of my pen, I was wracking my brain to figure out how I should price them. I was in middle school at the time, and had been crocheting regularly for about 3 years. 

After a while, my dad sauntered into the room to check on me. Upon learning what I was up to, he motioned for the pen and pad and read across every line I’d written. Wordlessly, he struck through every price I’d come up with before scribbling down new numbers.

When he handed the pad back to me, I was a little surprised to see just how much he’d marked up the prices on all of my listed items...

The Back-Handed-Complements

Chances are pretty high that you yourself have noticed the up-tick of the crafting space in the last five years.

But, whether or not you practice any handicraft, you probably know just how surprisingly little these skills are valued. I could write an entire book on this phenomenon (and for a myriad of reasons). But the most frustrating part of this reality is just prevalent that attitude is in every day.

My home-business is often unrecognized within my own family.

And pretty much because I've yet to reach a certain income-bracket. 

It's no secret that, in America at least, your annual revenue is "everything" - despite the fact it doesn't always reflect the years training depending on what you do.

I've personally received the back-handed-compliments (sometimes from my own family) and have had to grin-and-bare the subtle pooh-pooh's for my work, while receiving praise for other contributions I make at home (i.e. cooking, cleaning, and caring). Even though it is well-known within my family- and social-circles that I’ve been practicing my craft for over 23 years, I still feel like I have to justify my pricing when I do sell my designs, or find a way to accommodate my clients pockets when they need their clothes adjusted or fixed.

Despite the normally tight-knit community-life I was raised in, I’m essentially building this business completely on my own now - and all while we all stand at the cusp of the end of late-stage-Capitalistic-hell-scape we all find ourselves in.

(No pressure at all!)

It’s been especially frightening these last few years because now my dad’s not here to watch my back. And no one else in my family seems particularly interested in taking up that mantel... though it breaks my heart to admit it out loud.

In fact it's no coincidence that my home-business lost so much steam 3 years ago (right when it was really gaining traction): I lost my biggest cheerleader, my best confidante, and the only one who was really willing to give me a swift kick in the pants.

It was really up to me and me alone to make my dreams come true.

I still can't describe just how terrifying that feels.

Ready to Fight?

My dad didn't know anything about sewing a button or knitting a scarf (and, honestly, the arthritis in his hands pretty much made either skill impossible for him). But he took the time to check in with me, and was very accommodating on the smallest things of my to-do list. Everything from:

“Dinner won’t be ready for about an hour, if you need to go do some more work…” 

Dad many nights

To 

“It’s [Cary Grant] day on TCM - take a break and come watch…”

Also Dad, on many stressful days

As a self-described “old country boy,” he wasn't ever going understand the ends and outs of my industry, but he believed in me the most. Believed I could grow it into something so much more than he ever imagined. And all without ever learning a single stitch.

We all need someone like in our lives, especially when you decide to fight for a pipe-dream. And not just because that person will puff you up, and sing your praises to everyone; we also each need that person who's going to challenge the vision sometimes - the one who's going to hold you back a little if you're about to run off a cliff.

(or will drag you into the arena while huffing and puffing "YOU. ARE. DOING. THIS!" - if you're anything like me)

As important as it is to believe in yourself against all odds, we also need the ones who believe in us enough to be the grounding-force behind the ambition.

I’ve always known, logically, that no one else in my family was ever going to fight in the same arena as me (whatever my career path ended up being). At the same time, however, for me at least, it was nice to be able to look up and find someone in the stands cheering for me.

Now, when I look around, I feel like I just see a lot of empty reserved-seating…

I know there's other people in my life who care about me, and want to support me, and see me succeed. But now, there's just this huge disconnect in the kind of support I'm getting on this path. In a strange way, it is a little like mourning:

Many offer kind and supportive platitudes - but with very little action behind them. Simply because most people just don't know what to do or say.

I have been ready to quit this dream more times than I can count in the last 4 years. Even now, not a week goes by where I don't say "That's it! I'm calling it after (such-and-such) happens!" 

But last July, something happened that made everything click. I woke up early to a voice asking me an important question: 

“Okay, Ace - are you ready to fight?”

Conclusion:

Contrary to popular assumptions, no one is an island - in anything they do. What happens in the home affects everyone in the family; what happens at the office affects all of your co-workers; and what happens in school ends up all over social media, which means it affects every teenager from here to kingdom come.

In order to succeed at anything you are going to need your team to back you up from time and time. But, if this experience has taught me anything, there are also going to be times when you're gonna have to walk through the fire alone. It's terrifying, and sometimes it's really not fair - but like Death and Taxes, it is inevitable.

But here's the good news:

Those fires don't last forever - because you really are the hero of your own story.

My father was truly my biggest supporter. And I think he heard my calling for me, long before I even did. For a long time, I had no idea how I was going to keep it going without him. He was my touchstone, for a long time - so he gave it back to me.

He heard my calling for me, long before I ever did. Now, it's my turn to heed it.