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The problem with trying to set up boundaries

When you start setting up boundaries for yourself, it will not be an easy road. There will be a lot of hurt, and pain, but it will be worth it in the end.

By Talara NolanPublished about a month ago 4 min read
The problem with trying to set up boundaries
Photo by Sylwia Bartyzel on Unsplash

Lately, I have hit my breaking point. I realize how much that I take from everyone in my life. Living with my family has really forced me to look at my life, at everything that I have to deal with. I think that it is because of everything I am putting up with that forced me to see what I put up with. Always being the 'good child' growing up, it has been put into me that I need to accept it. Don't say anything to ruffle feathers, and take whatever treatment that people give me. It was put into me that I should never say anything negative or against someone. So that I don't upset anyone, so that everyone thinks that everything is fine. I also have been through so much that as long as don't say anything, then I can't be hurt, I can't be put down, I can't be made fun of. So I now see that I have been putting up with whatever people do to me for a long time. Always accepting it.

But there is something great that has come from all of this. I know that I am stronger than I thought I was. I have been through so much, and somehow got myself through it. Somehow, I am on the other side.

I am gaining confidence and strength in myself. Now I know that I am great, and am worthy of great and amazing things. With that knowledge comes with me looking at my relationships in my life, and everything that I let people do to me. It is also okay to stand up for yourself. Especially if you have been told to not say anything, know that it is okay to stand up for yourself. It is okay to demand better treatment, to demand the best treatment. No matter what your faults are, you are worthy of everything that you want.

If you are on the journey of self-confidence, if you are trying to have a better life, know that it won't be an easy road. There will be many bumps and struggles along the way. But you can't let anyone talk you off that road. You need to stay true to yourself and what you deserve.

When you first start putting up boundaries, there will be many resistances from people. Most people in your life will not like it. This is a reality that you need to be prepared for. People won't like that you are setting up boundaries suddenly, they won't like that you can't be their doormat anymore. Anyone that really supports you will understand, they will love the new you and the new confidence that you have. The cold reality is that most people in your life won't like the new you at first. So the hardest thing will you have to do is to stay on your path, and stick to your guns.

Holding strong to the boundaries that you set will be especially hard if you are not used to it. If you are not use to demanding to be treated right, you will find it hard when people push back. And people will push back. I am trying very hard to stay on the path, but it has been a struggle. No matter the struggle, I know that I deserve better than I have gotten. Anyone that does not like it does not need to be in life. Life is too short to not be happy or have peace. Anyone that will ruin my peace, doesn't get a place in my life. This has been an easier concept to think than to actually have happened. The reality of it is hard to stick to. And it will be with you. The hard concept for me is the thought that it is better to be alone than to have people in your life that don't treat you right. The thought will come to you that maybe you won't ever have anyone else in your life if you get rid of everyone.

Daily affirmations have really helped me to build my confidence. As well as doing things to improve yourself, such as daily exercise. Make yourself, and your life, one that you love. So that when you find yourself alone, then you aren't feeling lonely. You need to be okay being alone. Because people will walk away from your life, and you need to be okay with that. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy and happiness. Make your life something great for yourself, and then you will be okay with being on your own.

Also, try to put yourself out there to meet new people. People who will lift you up and believe in you. I know that is easier said than done, but try it. Join a class that you like, so that maybe you can meet people there.

Know and believe that you are worthy of great things. You are worthy of a life of joy, happiness and peace. Set your boundaries of what you will accept and what you won't. Do not let anyone treat you less than great. No matter what they say to you. It will be hard, but at the end is a life of joy and peace.


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About the Creator

Talara Nolan

I am a single parent to a 4 year old girl and live with her in Canada. I love working out and have lost over 45 lbs over time. I would love to share what I have learned and all the things that have worked for me over time.

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