The Meaning of Self Love, Self Meditation

Working a great amount of hours through the week into the weekend non stop will have a enormous amount of pressure on your physical and mental. Your self worth will be completely removed and drained to the point you feel moody and unhappy... of course, no sex may cause you to feel very off and unappreciated, because you wonder to yourself, What’s wrong with you?

At the beginning of the year I really didn’t have a New Years resolution in plan, nor did I made any goals for myself, but go with the flow on things to see how it will play out each day. This when I needed to push myself into myself when things got worse.

In the mid part of the year within the second close to the third month I began re-evaluating my life. After an unexpected break up on my engagement to a Goverment man and the let down of two Jobs, as well as being completely alone after tremendous loss of two precious angels I carried, I began to really look in the mirror at my self and started making big unexpected plans for me. My plans consisted of deep meditation, deep thoroughness of burning away negativity coming into my life and accepting things I can not change and know my worth when it comes to love ❤️❤️💕💖💖. My plans were slowly bubbling, not much, but I can see the change when I started going to the gym and feeling that I been loved and I can imagine that someone loves me were I can feel self improvement and flow. My energy was on a high and my motivation from watching Hustlers assure me I can do this, I am my own boss of my destiny and I can be happy in my own terms as well as create my own happy place on my short off days.

So as I had anticipated, on one of my off days I decided to hit the gym, work on me, got sage did some self meditation, and got creative painting and crafting. As I maintained my agenda on my happiness, the painting made me more calmer , it help me very therapeuticly sync into my own pscychy and it open my creativity up about myself and my worth, were when I burned the sage, it help me to be quiet and focus on things and what needs improvement in my life, my zen for self worth and happiness, my peace and reflection on being in physical and mental as well as verbal relationships being conquered and handled very sweetly, as well as listening to the hard rain made it all worth the while to feel no worries, but peace and tranquility within my empty soul.

As the days go by I learn to accept the things I can not change and let things flow into its own existence. As I peeked at how things are progressing, I began to notice career wise my profession had bumped up with a sudden increase, and then in my personal window things were rocketing at its highest.

My happiness is setting rules for myself and maintaining my own schedule routines on me and enjoying my creativity and peace. Being cultivating in my own sense and taking more better care of myself helps a whole lot. The showers I extend for a great amount of time to feel the skin I’m in and loving just me, no matter what I am, just me alone in my peace conquering my storm’s crazy atmosphere. My coffee became my muse after I drank a glass of wine for the night before I laid down to rest to keep me more anticipated and more at ease on things. My loneliness became my project on focusing on things my way and my desires. After watching certain movies, it helped me build my self esteem at its peek and pushed me to see things clearer and more relevant in my life. My desires of making myself be this woman for certain men made me open my eyes and be at peace with just being me and nothing else, but not to settle for any mess or drama coming at me, nor towards me. I start thinking highly of me and my heart and just take note of what I want in a man. I took control of my pain to make it my gain of what is good and not perfect. At times I had to role model on naturally and put in perspective of creating my energy and work and make prayer as my essential life saver to help keep me balance. Life for me has balanced in its own flow and I’m rolling with it.

My own zen, my own way help guided my potential aspects on were I want to be in life. To point out my desires, my passion my fears...I’m more reflected on my inner to work towards my outer and to open myself up more on things that I think I can’t towards I can achieve my goals. Learning to be patient and accepting what I can’t change makes my sense on life acknowledging and more sufficient on balancing my darkest part which is depression. Feeling that things will turn out wrong all the time will make you give up on yourself and mostly on what you want in life. I slowly had to understand things and yes it was a tremendous work in progress, because mentally I kept putting things off and not having a moment of clarity to unwind and get to know me as a person.

I know when I was in high school I start writing stories of my imaginary fictional characters, as well as drawing things that make better sense to me while I was young. My stories would be something more of a novel a d the students would read it and would pay me fifty cents to buy it. I was making my own little business very young, but creatively. My drawings became well known, because no one would imagine someone in first or second grade drawing pictures like musically into Picasso, to Sandro Botticelli, and Caravaggio, much respect and talent at my young age to adapt to such paintings, but also question about it. Being violated can cause an impact on how you present things at a younger age, so by me drawing it out my teachers questioned my mentality and skills and the best way to hide what happen is to drawing out and that I did. That was so many years of pain and hurt which as I got older took a while to get a grip on me and reality and to find my self worth and my own self love. That’s when I got into painting and creating hobbies to relax and gain self peace and happiness. The happiness was maintaining the vibe within the atmosphere of knowing my peace, listening to music help so much, it gave me clarity and joy that I think I didn’t have in my life. To believe that one day, what was taken can be restored. Everything has a balance and everything has a purpose,,I had to make myself believe it and accept when things go different to always go different and not dwell on what should be, but to cease in the moment and to capture each event in every way possible and be humble and grateful and just sit back and create your own happiness, your own castle, your own victory and wins, by any means necessary. I convince myself, I’m smart...I got this, I can do this, I made it through the day and that’s all that matters.

Making my happiness my ownself peace is my encouragement to be more wiser, more stronger, more better and love harder. I am my own story and how I end my journey is how I will live it at this moment going forward.

The End