The Art of Setting Boundaries

Growing up I was was the people pleaser. Helping them out & setting my priorities aside to cater to their needs. At times it’s ok to help other people & out of the kindness of who you are, making others happy builds your own character as well.

Over time a routine is developed where it becomes a systematic obligation to help others. Rather than waiting for someone to ask for your help it is expected that you are the one to help them out because you have created this reputation of helping people out & being there when needed. While this is a good trait to have it is also something that can lead a path to self esteem issues.

You end up catering to others more than yourself & you slowly become a tool for others. You end up loosing faith & confidence to be the better version of yourself & not taking chances to grow. By being the “Yes Man” you become a slave to everyone else instead of yourself.

By creating Boundaries you learn to value yourself more as an individual & prioritize your mental health & self growth over others. By developing boundaries you create a change in a system of routine that disrupts others. Setting boundaries will interrupt those who are used to your cadences to them By changing the dynamic in which you value your own mental being & growth over others, you develop a more stern respect & awareness towards yourself.

Boundaries help differentiate between what’s needed for you as a person & what’s needed for them in the moment. Whether good or bad, boundaries are not made to hinder or benefit the opposing individual or group, but more so to limit the safety of the person themselves mentally.

Setting boundaries can lead to things like criticism or mental protesting against your judgements. Having self respect & knowing your self worth should never be at the bottom of your list. Helping others is a choice & at times a obligation but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your mental or physical being.

There’s a saying flight attendants say during demonstrations that, “if you’re traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first & then assist the other person.” You must care for yourself before you do others. By giving yourself the care that you need, you develop the peace of mind & mental clarity to be ok with helping others.

If you’re not feeling your best self, you need to do what it takes to be at a place to be your best self. Ultimately you know you better than anyone else. You grow & learn just like everybody & while you can’t please everyone, you have to be able to please yourself first. Otherwise, you slowly lose who you are in the process & you’re left questioning your values.

Boundaries are typically separated into categories. Personal, Romantic & Professional. Each having their own set of boundaries that helps keep the flow of such category progressing. While they’re some instances where each overlaps, its imperative to understand how each can differ. Personal Boundaries help to keep people at an understanding of what is ok & what isn’t.

Boundaries are not just for others to understand but it’s also for yourself. Setting rules for yourself to understand & follow to keep your self from going off the rails or going too far. Your own boundaries keeps you leveled & helps strengthen who are as a person. These boundaries doesn’t deny your truth nor does it prevents your “actual self” from coming out but holds out the un wanting things & let’s the good version of self to come on the surface.

Learning to set your own boundaries is mostly easy. By finding out what you’re comfortable & uncomfortable with is the most practical way of setting boundaries. Setting boundaries with things you haven’t done or unknown about is decided by your level of curiosity, protection & benefit. It’s up to you to find those answers for yourself. It does make it easier with others who participate. Like going to an event or theme park.

Boundaries are important because it sets the limits of how much a person can handle within their well being. Whether it’s for them or someone else, It protects not just the physical aspects but the mental ones as well. By understanding what is appropriate & what is ok, we as people learn to respect each other & build healthy foundations for those we choose to enter into our lives.