The Art of Forgiveness

The term “Forgiveness” has had a bad rep in the past as we have always applied this term to how we deal with situations involving other people. You could have learned this concept in school, in church, or even watching TV and movies. We never seem to think about how this term can liberate our souls if we apply it to ourselves and how we view the decisions we have made. Forgiveness is a complex concept and also every religion or spiritual practice has its own view on the meaning of the word and how it applies to your life. My favorite definition of the term “forgiveness” is your forgiving yourself for the role that you may have played in the situation you are in. Some of us beat ourselves up. We use vices so we can’t feel it. The source of our soul’s liberation is forgiveness of self. Forgive yourself because you were too young to understand. Forgive yourself for that abuse you allowed because you wanted someone to love you. You wanted someone to change that would not and looking back on it you feel dumb. Don’t get stuck in the cycles of self-hate because of not being able to forgive yourself. Once you can forgive yourself, it will be easier to forgive others… that’s if you would like to that is.

The concept of forgiving from a genuine place is releasing that person or situation. Releasing it from yourself, my mind's space, your heart, and any other place or area it could be weighing you down. Keep in mind this is not for the other person and this may not work in every single situation. I like to think of forgiveness like when a company signs over the debt to a collection agency. When a company is unable to collect a debt, they sign it over to a collection agency. When doing so, they are saying that we were not able to collect and if the agency is able to collect, the company will gladly accept a percentage of what is collected but if not, then they have forgiven the debt by signing it over to the agency. Give the debt over to whoever you pray to, whatever you believe it. Allow them to step in and your collection agency. Remember you signed the debt over to them so now it’s their problem but if you receive the apology at another time, that’s cool too because at least the debt was acknowledged. This will take an act of faith, courage, and boundaries.

Also understanding that people perceive the world as they are perceived in most cases so if someone has wronged you, it is because they have been wronged, maybe even to the point of desensitization so they may not even see the impact of how they hurt you. It could take some help from a professional to fully grasp this as it is not easy to see when we are in pain.

Sources that helped me grasp this concept while healing was. They are short and sweet for those of us with busy lifestyles and it will help you get to the root of what you need to forgive yourself for, in order to change your perspective on those around you.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Who Are Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene Brown

In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want, by Iyanla Vanzant

It is important to keep in mind that processing our traumas can literally traumatize us so it may be necessary to have a professional help navigate this process. We want to also keep in mind that all situations may not be forgivable so this is definitely not for everyone. Remembering the concept of forgiveness to benefit you and not the other person is imperative to healing. Keep in mind you do not have to tell a person you forgave them; you do not have to associate yourself with this person, however, it may be a good idea to hire a professional to help you with what this will look like in the future, especially if it is a family member. A therapist can help you process your emotions and plan what your future will look like while holding you accountable to your plan if you need additional help forgiving or releasing a person or situation that is no longer serving your highest good.