Tattoo Tale-Soulful Surrender

Surrender is the sacred reminder etched across the skin of my chest. My heart beats beneath this ink- holy in its right of passage through blood and pain.

Blazen in black filligree of strength- yet somehow it is still delicate, soft, & beautiful. Like the ripening rind of fruit as it ages or a petal as it crinkles dried- this ink, my sweet armor and anchor in life. Urging me forward with encouragement from Source,

" release dear child into all that is, honor your emotions, listen to the Earth, sway with me in the wind and your sorrows will grow wings that soar."

Not unlike the sweating pain of needle to skin- the story of my surrender unfurls from a place of wounded darkness. When the cloak of chaos covered my eyes and savored in dragging me into the abyss- that is when the shell of spirit cracked, and the light of love was allowed to enter.

At age 16, my parents divorced. It felt as if darkness, fighting, and ugliness had swallowed me whole. As the world as I had known it crumbled around me, my ego grasped at any semblance of control, manifesting in a downward spiral of an insidious eating disorder. Mind consumed in the rhetoric of hateful self-talk, restricting, and purging- all to numb, anything to avoid having to feel the weight of what was real.

Two years of suffering went by and it was finally time to head off to college. A moment seeming like it was finally an escape from the stressors of my home life, and a chance to find myself. This ended up happening as it was supposed to, but not in the idyllic way that I had envisioned.

A week after moving in, I experienced sexual assault. This was the place of rock bottom, when my pain body had finally burgeoned to the point of being unbearable.

This is the place that often pushes people past the brink and into the chapter of growth and awakening. I returned home and took a year of absence from college in order to seek the therapeutic treatment needed for my eating disorder and trauma. I entered an intensive daily program where I was given the tools of Cognitive and Dialectical Behavior Therapy to process and sit with my emotions instead of avoiding them through unhealthy coping mechanisms.

As I began to unearth the mountain of energy that I had stuffed down inside me, my spiritual awakening began. It took time, daily work, and the drive to never give up, even when I fell down.

That is when "Surrender" became my life mantra, and that is when I finally experienced the wholeness of acceptance from a higher power.

To feel the true depth of love from the source of creation is a womb of bliss so potent that it can never be lost sight of. It is pure magic. It is a magic so powerful that it only lets you feel it- if you honor the duality of its counterpart, and feel your pain. This love, oh this love it is the glimmer amidst the blue sea of my eyes.

It is a painful journey, to be granted access to the gates of goodness.

"Surrender" tattooed on my chest is a sacred reminder, a battle-call, and lighthouse all at once.

It is my vow to live, to feel, to cry, to heal, & to share.

Surrender does not mean to raise a white flag and give up- but rather to confidently live in a state of acceptance of the moment, whether that means walking through happiness or difficulty. My measure of a life well lived is one in which all is felt and experienced as fully as possible.

It is so beautiful, raw, exciting, painful, passionate, and alive. After spending so many years feeling numb, my oath is to spend the rest deeply, presently, and vibrantly- however that looks.

As I continue to return to the sacred home within- my true essence- I am called to the Earth, the senses, ritual, and the succulent wild jungle within the spirit.

The pain experienced to arrive here, and the pain I shall experience in the time to come- is my offering to Life. I transmute my sorrows by serving the collective as a Reiki healer and using my experience to find empathy and kindess in a harsh world. We must find the light through the cracks that it streams through, and relish in it so fully that we never lose sight of it again.

My tattoo encourages me along the path of walking this truth.

I am forever grateful to see its reflection in the mirror, a humble homage to all that has been, and all that shall be.

A trapse of the hand across its energy breathes new life into moments of weariness, and sparks joy in times of confidence and vibrancy.

S swirls to U, and my fingers trace the mountainous curves of RR, holding faith that in the END, love will prospER.