Struggles

Why do I have such an extreme urge to fit in? Why can’t I be as pretty as every other woman I see? Recovering from an eating disorder, or even just trying to like myself is so freaking hard to do. Why is that? A constant mindset of mine is a pessimistic one. “Who will ever love me,” “Why do I look like this,” “What good can come from this?”etc.

As much as I want to get out of this cycle of constant negativity and strip myself from anything remotely attached to those thoughts, I can’t. I can’t seem to find a way to love and appreciate me, all of me. I can’t even fathom thinking it feasible to get out of this pattern.

I want to live a life filled with peace and contentment but as much as I try I always end up back to where I began, coming full circle. That doesn’t mean I haven’t changed and progressed, I have grown flower fields full of flowers and climbed over mountains upon mountains. As grateful as I am I’m just not where I want to be, I do want to get there though.

So as the wise W. Clement Stone said, “Success is achieved and maintained by those who try and keep trying”. Take a second to think about that, because I did. There a two paths one can go down right now in your mind, firstly, the cynical one. Where the mind says something like “I’m tired, I’ve tried so hard for so long and I don’t want to try anymore”. Then there’s the more optimistic/perspective shift that looks more like “I get new chances every day? Anytime I can switch and start trying, it’s never too late”.

Personally, my first response was the first thought process, the more cynical one. Since I am exhausted, I’m extremely done with my own challenges, with the way I think and the way my mind works. My initial feeling towards this quote was frustration. In spite of that, I let my frustrations go for a moment and really thought about what this quote meant.

Now, as I think of it, so brilliantly put, I think we are too hard on ourselves, I know I am definitely too hard on myself. We are all human creatures flawed beyond belief, we all see qualities in each other that we wish we had. In addition, we all tend to wish to be in others peoples shoes instead of our own. When in reality though we really don’t know other peoples thoughts and stories.

Maybe the girl that everyone thought was the most gorgeous girl was self conscious and longed for a better personality. What about the guy who had no friends and craved some kind of connection was jealous of the guy who got all the attention. Yet little did the lonely guy know that the guy who got all the attention had social anxiety and it was actually a huge, well deserved accomplishment to have so much attention on him. Perhaps the skinniest girl at school or work was actually struggling with Anorexia Nervosa. Or the bigger guy that everyone made fun of in high school had a thyroid issue.

Don’t assume someone has it better or worse, we all have something. End of story.

Next time you feel yourself gasping for air from so many tears streaming down your face because of the amount of pain and self hatred. Breathe, and try not to compare yourself to others because you are you and nobody can ever beat that. You bring just enough light in this world to keep it moving. We need everyone, because you’re not the only one at stake for pain, you have loved ones. If you feel you don’t, know that you got the world backing you up, holding your hand when you need it and when you don’t, we got you. Then when you’re ready, go hold someones else’s hand, they need you too.

In conclusion, after a lot of thought, to me this quote “Success is achieved and maintained by those who try and keep trying” means that all there is to do in life is try. For without trying, what do we actually have? There will always be struggles and hardships, that doesn’t mean one should stop trying. It means even more so one should keep trying for that way we can get stronger and wiser. That way we can overcome anything.