Starting Over At 49

Who would have ever thought that divorcing the father of my children in 2017, would lead me to being laid off by my children in 2019. I spent eighteen years being a housewife and devoted mother. I did not have a plan B. I never made yearly resolutions that did not include my children. However, due to the simple fact that I was not able to afford to take care of my children alone in Houston, Texas without living in an awful neighborhood, working four jobs, leaving them home alone after school and on weekends. I had to give up my full custody rights, and let their father raise them. My biggest fear had become a reality. I then became homeless and was forced to reevaluate my life.

For all of 2020 I lived on my mother's couch in her senior living apartment, which by the way was against the rules. As far as work was concerned, I was hired by a home health care agency as a caregiver for elderly patients. My Mom became a client, I only took care of other's when she was in the hospital.

Due to Covid-19 I was restricted from traveling to see any of my children who were all living in various parts of Louisiana. My Mother was too afraid that I would contract the virus and pass it to her. I absolutely could not wait until 2020 was over so that I could start really living.

Considering all the stressful situations I had been in and all the loss I had experienced during the year. My friends kept telling me that I needed to learn how to love myself.

Well being married to a narcissistic man for so many years did cause me to be filled with a lot of hatred and anger. I really did not know where to start. How does a person who has always felt like nothing they ever did was good enough, who has always been referred to in the family as a black sheep, and who is filled with guilt and regret learn to love the very person they do not even like?

So I decided that learning how to love myself would be my New Year Resolution.

I figured that I would start by detoxing my heart, body, soul, and mind. So I created myself a vision board. I figured I would have to dig deep within, and face the old programs I have in my mind which are self sabotaging, then I will replace them with new programs.

On my vision board I placed the following;

1. Believe in myself

I spent so many years taking care of other's and following their advice. Struggling with making good decisions, and second guessing myself. That I developed distrust towards me. That has to change this year.

2. Stay Focused

In order to make any kind of difference this year I will have to change my focus. After all whatever you keep thinking about, you will eventually do. I also suffer with procrastination as a result of not staying focused on the right things.

3. Repair my relationships

I will go absolutely crazy worrying about my children and consistently wishing I could see them. So I decided to visit one at a time for as long as it takes for them to understand that I did not abandon them, and that I truly love them. I will start with the oldest and as the other's leave their father to be on their own, I will spend time with them. In the meantime I will save money for them. I also want to focus on repairing my relationship with my Creator. Learning to place more trust in Him as well.

4. Check my Intentions

No matter what goal I am trying to accomplish I must constantly check my intentions. After time they can change and become negative if left unchecked. I want to stay true to my morals and values. So I need to check my intentions by asking myself before I do something. Why am I doing this?

5. Become more consistent

When it comes to consistency I think about athletes. This is because they practice everyday to the point where it becomes a part of them. Whenever they take a break they actually miss practicing. I want to be that way towards my prayers, and business.

6. Detoxifying my body

I plan on detoxing my body by drinking only water, sleeping seven hours a day, fasting from eating solid foods on Monday's also Wednesday's, and exercising (focusing on tighten my muscles). Learning something everyday through reading and listening will go a long way with helping to detox my mind. I would love to learn how to do photography well enough to take great pictures on my travels that I can sell.

7. Build passive income

I want to build several streams of passive income so I can travel all around the world and live out of my suitcase. I love writing, and would be thrilled if I could finish a book this year. I love creating t-shirts and wearing them so that they can help me start a conversation. I want to create an Etsy shop to sell them in. I came up with an awesome program to help homeless individuals like myself, and housewives in case they find themselves experiencing unemployment. I want to run that program through a text bot to get it in front of more people, it will be called a Three and Free Party. I want to create a YouTube channel that is all about my journey. I want to invest in a business that has great products that I will be using myself which is going to be Total Life Change. I have been studying for years now at YouTube University, and have learned a great deal about how owning your own home based business is better for me than trying to get another job at 49. I will be able to have my money working for me instead of me working for my money. All the things I plan on doing this year are fun, I do not consider them to be work. We are living in a time where you can make money in exchange for knowledge. Which opens up a whole world of opportunities for a women in her late 40's who is starting over in 2021.