Spaced Out

Have you ever found yourself on auto pilot? Have you submitted yourself to just going through the motions of life, but not actually living?

I made a hard realization that I am doing just that. I went to an appointment and it was early in the morning, it had snowed terribly outside and the roads were awful. I get to the appointment and I am early. I am greeted by the front desk employees, I say hello and sit down waiting for my time. I am sitting there, looking at my phone, mindlessly scrolling through whatever application I decided to open, when I hear, "Well, hello."

I instantly acknowledged the hello before I even looked up at who said the greeting. I even waited to look up because it didn't even occur to me that it would be someone that I knew. I figured it was another employee and on a technicality it was. So I look up and see this young woman and realize oh my goodness, it was my mother's best friend's daughter. I babysat this woman when she was little, I had not seen her in years other than on social media and here she was in front of me. We said our hello's and caught up on small talk for a few minutes and then she had to get back to work. I finish with my appointment and I leave. I did not want to bother her while she worked, so I will catch up with her a later time. I should also say that I moved back to my home state about seven months prior to writing this. So, anyone that I see and know is a surprise, because I haven't seen them in more than likely 11 years.

As I am walking to my car it hits me. I was on autopilot. I had my nose stuck in my phone and I was oblivious to my surroundings and I did not care. I am so use to this behavior that I just went along like I did everyday, giving no thought about what I was doing or who I was ignoring.

Time is very valuable and to waste it is a shame. I know most people hear or read this all the time. But I never realized how much I cut myself off from the world, simply because I am on autopilot. I work in the health care field and put in 12 plus hours a day. By the time I get home all I want to do is zone out and not deal with anything. The truth is I relish in the fact that I don't have to do anything if I don't want to! But that way of thinking is not good and it is wasteful. I can do more with my time than I do and I am aware of it. I complain that I am in pain or I am tired and can't or don't feel like doing anything, when the truth is I can ... I CAN!

I sit and envy those doing things with their lives or taking part in activities, and I think, I wish I could do that or be there—when in all reality I can, I just choose not to. Now don't get me wrong taking "me time" is important and getting the rest you need is too, but outside of that I can do more. So instead of being on autopilot, I will be more aware and take in my surroundings, enjoy what life has to offer and be present for it, because in the end if you don't what will you have to show for it?