Something Different

Well first off, I’ve never painted a thing in my life. Okay, that's not completely true, but like a serious thing, a good thing, a thing that people would buy -until now. On August 11, 2019, I was cleaning out a closet in the house that I was renting with my ill mother. Life was rough as we knew it. I fumbled upon a paint set, a cheap-y paint set of just a few acrylic colors and some paint brushes along with an empty canvas. My mother always liked to try new hobbies. In fact, she would jump from one obsession to the next. If she would find an interest in something, she would obsess over it and dream it to the top. It went from sewing, to learning how to play the violin, to the piano, then guitar- pretty much any instrument. The list would go on, drawing, writing, cochetting, etc.

But, I found one of her lost old interests in the closet that I was cleaning out.

"Hey mom can I take this?"-curious I wanted to try something different.

Depression goes a little something along the lines of; you’re not good enough. Everyone ‘thinks this’ about you. Or, “You’re not talented in anything, and you’ve lost your mind.”

The scary thing is, if I counted all the real ‘rational’ reasons to back those thoughts up, I would find them and they would very well be factual, to me.

Any who.

The paint set that I found, or did it find me?

I broke open the set along with the little brushes and took the time to give it a shot. I didn’t know where I’d begin, but I knew I liked mountains. That should be easy right?

“Hey Siri, how do you paint a mountain?”

Siri brought up YouTube videos of course, on many different ways you can paint a mountain. I realized abstract was my niche. My mom had little plastic palette paint knives and that’s what I painted my first astonishing painting with, to me at least.

When it started to come together after I layered the snow on the tips of the mountain tops, I will never forget the feeling, it was, wow, that’s cool, like-really cool.

And I did it. I can’t believe I did that.

So, what did I do next? I went to Michael’s and bought real palette knives and decided to make another one. And then, a bigger one that sat around 28x22 Inches.

The emotions tossing around inside of me while I painted had whirled around as if they were releasing all the bad fumes and welcoming in the oxygen. Literally, that’s how I’d describe the feeling of painting.

My focus was as stiff as cat trying to catch a mouse or lizard. So focused, I was determined to do everything with perfection lacking nothing. Even if it didn’t come out perfect, I knew I had tried and learned along the way, so when I would do it again, I’d do it better.

You see, painting taught me something. It entertained me. It wasn’t a skill, it was focus, try and succeed. Determination.

I started painting everyday.

From the mountains to Van Gogh’s Starry night.

That one took hours and my back was so sore. But when it was finished, it was pretty stinking rewarding.

Every time I finished a painting I felt like I did a thing. But never once thought of myself as an artist other than this is fun, and I haven’t felt ‘fun’ in quite some time.

It passed by the time, and it even made me feel, classy.

I would post a few things on Facebook, all with the doubts in my head of course, worried that people would think it’s silly, until the compliments started rolling in.

“How much for this?” - well, I guess I never thought of that.

My sister is a painter herself, and she reviewed with me how the rates would work.

“Art isn’t cheap”- she said.

“What’s beautiful really depends on who thinks it’s beautiful.”

Wow, another solid statement right there. Who cares who likes it, there’s the person who will, and that person who won’t.

I opened my Etsy shop in the fall of 2019. I started slow and a little more simple to modern with my work.

I framed things. I made them attractive. Like, what I would buy if I were to go shopping on Etsy.

Patience interludes doubt

Nothing was selling. I hoped something would, but no bites. I started to remove things, little by little and keep only the things I thought were really good and not just okay.

I painted this Picasso inspired modern- figured woman, sitting with her backside out. This was my most simple and dull painting.

I decided I was going to remove that one. “No one would like this.”- the thoughts remain.

I told myself I would remove it as soon as I got home later that night.

Then suddenly, you have an order!

And just guess what my very first painting that sold was?! The woman figure I was going to throw away that very same night!

Sold to a girl in Brooklyn, New York who later gave me a 5 star review and stated my painting was -‘thought provoking’.

Now, even if that only happened once, it happened, and it helped.

It helped boost my confidence. It pushed me in the right direction. I still knew that I wasn’t a professional artist who could paint you an articulate human face or a tiger that looked like the real deal, but I felt some passion to do it again.

To push is to pull, or paint

So, this time, I said I’ll attempt a person. Like a very, vague facial portrait. Maybe abstract, maybe watercolor, maybe not!

But, I self-taught myself on everything.

Nowadays, we have resources at our fingertips. You can learn to do just about anything on YouTube as long as you put in the effort to try. So, that is what I did.

I was so grateful over the compliments on Facebook and over the side requests for purchases. At this point, I had painted a few things for some friends-of-friends who bought my art on the side. Which then kindled my next idea, the Jesus portrait.

As he is the muse to all these things stirred up inside, I attempted my first and honestly only Jesus portrait I have ever painted. I listed it on Etsy and within a few weeks it was purchased. It is still my favorite painting to date. It was a solid black and white portrait with watercolor splattered paint across the face representing the blood in color.

Take the risks that we think are silly

From here, I started watering myself and not wavering. After selling a few paintings came the thought, hmm, what else do I find enjoyable?

I’ve been thrifting on the weekends for many years. Thrifting gives me an inner peace I’ve always clinched to, I guess because vintage shopping is a different kind of shopping!

My best friend has been telling me for years to sell some of my thrift finds because they are always the most random unique vintage finds. I have this unusual luck when walking into a thrift store, I can leave with something almost every single time that is pretty treasurable. I just have an eye for trendy things, I suppose. Interior design and fashion trends are things I live out in life. It’s in my soul without thought.

It wasn’t until the pandemic hit a few months later when I had even more time on my hands. That was when I updated my Etsy shop in, August of 2020. I decided to try something different and sell my vintage clothing trends. And then from there, I started selling vintage home goods!

Restoring my mental health and renewing the inner peace that had been absent was unveiling the truths buried behind the lies, pending to be revealed.

My store isn’t a huge success but what started with a paintbrush has only continue to evolve and ignite more passions and even now, I’m writing.

Needless to say, I have racked up a few extra hundred dollars during the pandemic all because I took risks, overlooked the doubts and tried something different.