Self Love, Passion, and Depression

About six months ago I thought I was happy, I thought I had found what I wanted to do in life. I had just gotten into EMT school and that was the first step in the career I wanted to be in, so I thought. Then once that semester was over I got a job at an ambulance company and that was my second step in achieving my goal to be a flight medic. I worked at that company for about three and a half months before I started to get this depressed feeling. Now by this time I had failed my national exam to become an EMT and was only a first responder at this company which means I was just a driver. I thought that this job was not right for me and sitting around for twelve hours a day waiting for a call was the source of my depression and the reason I was so unmotivated to do things. After I quit, I started to figure out that the job was not the source at all. I went back full time at the restaurant I was working at and thought that feeling of depression would go away and for a little while it did until it came back. I started arguing with my boyfriend a little more and was negative about a lot of things. I finally realized that the source of my depression was myself. I found that I didn’t really love myself and who I was anymore. I didn’t tell anyone about the way I was feeling until recently. I want to take back my life and get back to loving myself again. When I talk about loving myself I don’t just mean physically but mentally too. I have let my mind go and it is a constant battle of what am I going to do now. I feel as if I have no real purpose in life anymore and no I don’t mean that in a suicidal stand point but in a stand still point of view. I need to step out of my comfort zone to somehow find my motivation, courage, and drive in life. I sit back and really think about what I have in life and I mean I am thankful I have a roof over my head and food to eat but the only people I really have is my loving but small family, my best friend, and my boyfriend. I don’t talk to many people, so I guess I’m more of an introvert and I haven’t found any hobbies that I am passionate about. I write every so often but it’s mostly to get things off my chest and mind. I am not sure what to do anymore. I think I need to get away from life for a bit and focus more on my selfcare and really learn to love myself because how can someone else love me if I am so stuck in my own pity world. I can’t even express how I feel anymore I just end up crying about everything because I feel that there is so much pressure in my head that I can’t even explain why I am feeling the way I do. For the past few days in the morning I have been listening to speeches about selflove and passions and it has opened my eyes quite a bit, but how am I supposed to achieve that. I feel like this is my first step, acknowledging how I feel and getting it out of my head because it feels like I am drowning. I want to find my purpose, my love, my drive, my passion, and learn to love again. The only thing, is that it all starts with finding myself first.