Relationships and Happiness

Robert, the author of the longest study on human behavior and happiness conducted at Harvard for decades, shares with us some details about this fascinating research. Although he is the fourth director of the study, which began in 1938 and has reached its 85th year, he acknowledges the surprising discovery they have made in looking at the factors that predict a longer, healthier and happier life.

According to Robert, it's not news that having strong, intimate ties to other people makes us happier, but what they found was that these relationships also have a positive impact on our health. People who are lonely and isolated from society are more likely to develop age-related diseases and live shorter lives compared to those who enjoy strong social relationships.

The study argues that everyone, whether introverted or extroverted, needs at least one or two secure relationships in our lives. These are the relationships we can trust and know will be there for us when we need them. As part of the study, participants were asked to make a list of who they would call in the middle of the night if they were sick or scared. Most had multiple people on their list, but there were those who couldn't target anyone.

One of the most significant findings of the research was that people who made an effort to maintain their relationships were happier and had better bonds. Robert reflects on his own experience, remembering that when he was young he thought he didn't have to do anything to support his friends, that they would always be there. However, they observed that many relationships dissolved simply because people neglected them. They found that those who maintained good relationships were the ones who frequently showed small gestures of attention, such as calling, texting or taking time to meet regularly.

For Robert, friends provide a sense of identity and belonging to a community or group, which is essential for everyone. Feeling that you can trust someone, tell them about your concerns and receive advice in difficult times is invaluable. Having a safe place and someone to confide in to share concerns goes a long way. Furthermore, good relationships have a positive impact on physical health and longevity, something that is now considered a well-established discovery.

How does this relationship impact on our health? For the past 10 years, the study team has been investigating this question in their lab. Their strongest hypothesis is that relationships protect us from chronic stress. Life is full of stressful moments and situations, but close relationships and emotional support can help us maintain balance. When we experience stress, our bodies go into "fight or flight" mode, which causes physiological changes such as increased heart rate and rapid breathing. However, when we have someone to share our concerns with, we can return to balance more quickly.

Conversely, lonely and isolated people can get stuck in a constant state of "fight or flight," resulting in higher levels of stress hormones and chronic inflammation. This can have a negative impact on our coronary arteries, joints, and other bodily systems over time.

In short, strong and meaningful relationships play a crucial role in our happiness and well-being. The decades-long study conducted at Harvard has revealed that having strong bonds with other people not only makes us happier, but also keeps us healthy. Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we all need at least one or two secure attachment relationships, where we feel there is someone we can trust and count on in times of need.

Therefore, it is essential to cultivate and maintain our relationships. Small gestures of attention and regular time spent with the important people in our lives can make all the difference in the quality of our connections. Feeling part of a community and having someone to confide in to share our concerns contributes to our identity and helps us regulate negative emotions.

In conclusion, the Harvard study has taught us that strong relationships are essential to our long-term happiness and health. Our well-being benefits when we make intimate connections with other people and remain committed to maintaining those relationships over time. So, invest time and effort in your relationships, since they are a fundamental element on the path to a fuller and more satisfying life.