Purposeful Living?

It started when I woke up one day to a knock at my door. I lived in a dorm room with forty women. One woman came in asking me if I could go with her to get a flu shot and I said yes, of course. This one favor may not seem like it could lead to a whole turn around of my lifestyle, but it did when she had a favor a day. Soon, I was pushing my own responsibilities. I stopped going to the gym, eating when I was hungry, doing my laundry every week, and making my bed every day. My own responsibilities did not compare to taking care of others. I resented my friends and the people I spent time with because it felt more like a chore than my own choice. By spending time with others, I knew I could push my anxieties and depression to the back of my mind. Until, they would come out at my least convenience: at the grocery store, falling asleep at night, or in class. All I ever wanted was to be alone and sleep. Sleep because I hadn't slept that night and be alone because my friends weren't real friends. I was a puppet, completing their tasks and making them happy. Where was my happiness?

I know all of this sounds cheesy and overrated. A college girl with anxiety and depression? We've all heard it before. My boyfriend of five years even doubted it. I started to read a lot of poetry for my writing courses. This is where I started to understand what I was becoming; a cynical young adult. The poetry of Sylvia Plath eventually led to modern poetry like R.H. Sin and short stories of David Sedaris. One poem finally changed everything.

I decided that I had to start choosing myself instead of others. I probably went little overboard at first. In order to change my lifestyle, I started to practice yoga every day (when I could get out of bed), eating vegan, and throwing away things I didn't need in my life. The most important step was learning to say no. This didn't happen overnight and I still struggle to tell others that I just cannot be there right now. By practicing yoga, I set an intention for my day and my life. My intention is usually "I am." I am accepting myself with flaws and all. Veganism was probably the most extreme lifestyle change, but I love it. When I eat vegan (or even vegetarian) for a whole day, I feel happy and energetic. In other words, I stopped stress eating and found filling snacks and meals as alternatives. Lastly, I stopped keeping items that had no relevance in my life and organized special gifts or notes into one box. I wasn't trying to throw everything away that I don't use. My intention was to be able to live in my space without wishing for more room or stumbling over my own clutter to reach the important items. Cleaning out has made my morning routines quicker and living that much easier.

The very last tip I have is to stop drinking so much. I had to tell myself that enough is enough. It's not "five o'clock somewhere" and two glasses a night is not healthy. Some may disagree, but I was only feeding my anxiety and depression. By drinking, I was telling my body that this was the only way to fix how I am feeling at the moment. I threw out empty bottles that I had kept because they "looked cool" and I only keep one bottle at a time. I've limited myself to one drink per week dependent on my mood. If I'm anxious and depressed I drink water and find something else to do.

I don't have the perfect recipe or player's manual for living with intention, but I can say that I am definitely enjoying more parts of my life than I used to before my lifestyle change.