Projection

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Irrespective of our character, origins or destination, I think we can all agree that the principle barrier to individuality is the emotional strife within ourselves.

 Throughout our lives, we'll forever be experiencing the fast-moving orbit of emotional exuberance, along with intrusive thoughts that tie into an intense compulsion for vengeance.

From a young age, our characters are formed on the foundational belief that our thoughts and distinctions fall into one of two categories- the positive, versus the negative. If we're well behaved, we're rewarded. When our attention is focused on a stimulating activity we enjoy or we're around those we love, we feel a sense of purpose. But on the other hand, when we hurt ourselves, we're showered with concern and bandaged up. When we make a mistake, we're punished. This is where I believe our relationship with pain was moulded. 

I don't believe it to be farfetched to say that we have all been traumatized and felt betrayed. Whether this has come through to you in the form of abuse, bullying, adultery, or maybe even damage that was out of any human being's control- like the death of a loved one taken too soon. No matter how long it takes us to pass through the stages of grief, we all experience the same emotional turbulence, which almost always leads us to anger, as well as the need to ease some of the weight we bare onto others, or even the world.

Subconsciously or not, this is Projection. The thoughts, feelings, and triggers we have individually that we project onto others, as a subconscious attempt to alleviate some of the stress, or to act out our cycle of pain or misfortune. That which keeps us going when we can't stomach any more tears. It's never usually intentional. We can feel so hollow that we have a deep need to share our pain with others, through unhealthy projection.

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In connection with this, there is actually scientific proof that the need for revenge alerts the same part of the brain that's known for processing rewards. BUT, the dopamine release that comes with fantasizing and executing vengeance only lasts for a moment- leading us to the opposite effect of the emotional freedom we dreamed of. Instead of removing the suffering, it just emphasises the wound of the original affliction. This only creates a cycle of retaliation, leading to an on-going inner war. causing crippling effects on our psychological, emotional, and physical health.

The first step for me was to accept that not only have we all been the victims of such pain, but we've also been the perpetrator of another's sleepless nights and heartache. We make decisions all the time, which can cause hurt; without intention. We can move through life with our eyes closed, so stuck on short-term pleasure, impulsive choices, and erratic trains of thought, that at times we become so engulfed, lost, and oblivious to the consequences; due to the suppressed yearning for something that we feel we are lacking underneath it all.

We must accept that we're all only human. Just as feeling anger should be honoured, it's also okay to make mistakes. Imbedding this fluidity into our lives isn't a form of disregard for the trauma that changed you forever and is never neglecting the need to make a stand. It's merely a way to release the pain that can ruin you, leading to ill health and anger that sends your soul to sleep and allows the ego to take charge, never to be capable of being recycled into growth.

Focusing all of your energy onto the distorted, you're only empowering it more and giving it life. When you hold onto mistreatment, your eyes will only be able to see through the lenses of affliction. If not dealt with, this fierce emotional torment can circulate into addiction, strained relationships, work, poor nutrition, as well as mental and chronic illnesses. When such an intense emotion isn't respected, it may only be your projection keeping you warm. It's an attack on your whole being.

Not only does un-healthy, un-expressed rage inspire sickness, (and yes rage is so heathy, and there are a multitude of ways to release this healthily), but it's also the reaction when you ignore the pleading screams of forgiveness that you haven't given yourself, and the invisible shame that holds hands with this. The hardest truth to swallow is that this fire is never purely due to the hands of another. What we tend to reflect on others is our internal suppression of what we believe about ourselves, fear-based thinking, the disappointment from all that we invested, as well as the pain that comes with not only experiencing the loss of a person but a whole life that we conjured in our minds. We end up having to grieve the life plans, the goals, and the memories planted into our minds. This distress has brought it all up to the surface, manifesting itself with such intense abruptness, that we aren't ready to process the reality that our projection can be a form of self-contempt; unforgiving of the mask staring back at us.

BUT, it would be a significant loss to live without it. Rather than make OR break you, this can break AND make you. From my own experience, they actually can be different sides of the same coin. The reason why we struggle to come to terms with true forgiveness and un-wavering self-awareness, is born from not only the past, leading us to believe this is a sign of weakness but also the future… Forgiveness doesn't mean to let it go completely, as this would be releasing the lesson it's given you. 

Looking back on what our projections can give us, we can see what it is our souls are begging for. Now is the time to stop giving this burning sensation life, by giving it any more of your pain energy. Every time it crosses your mind, that's your cue to forcibly and consciously focus your attention on what this is activating within you, and what's going to support you to feel empowered and integrated. By doing this, you'll be re-training your mind not to go back to that same self-made prison.

As unfortunate as it may be, it's usually when we truly hit rock bottom, in the midst of a breakdown, faced with our reflection, that we have the breakthrough. It's here that we have a vision of our future, that we begin to open our eyes to the power buried deep within the cracks of our being, that we've been blind to. Without being cynical and tainting your journey, you can use this as a catalyst for transformation.

The perspective that's helped me the most on my healing journey- is seeing the benefits of such vast pain. I know from first glance, this may sound like an illusion… But, without it, we'd never feel the need to seek for more and dive deeper. Take a look back on all of the other times you've experienced grief and anguish; we can see in hindsight that we always come back to a place of inner strength which we'd never had before, even if it comes in waves. The most liberal people I've met are also the ones who have jumped through hurdles while they were bleeding, with their hearts beating outside of their chests. 

The rest of your life is in front of you. You have a choice today to start living. To start being. To start listening. Come home. Your mind and your body are pleading with you for colossal change. This intense healing will lead to just as vast rewards. That is if you surrender to the lesson and pay attention to the screams. 

"Think of projection like a volcano. At first glance, it may cause destruction and suffering. But afterward, the most fertile soil is left for new growth, as it shows us a mirror, to where needs extra kindness and attention."

© Words by Bonnie Knapton / Primal Womben Poetry

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