Open: Trying to Be More Open

Half of the time I have no idea what I’m doing, or more simply lose my place when I’m trying to get things done. It’s also very funny to me that words come so easily to me when I’m having a conversation but not when I’m trying to get an idea out on paper…. Or into the world for that matters.

I don’t know maybe I’m overthinking it. Well anyone who knows me will tell you that is the usual. I overthink everything. Often to the point of never getting a lot of these things I want done or at the very least out into the world in some way. Make no mistake I find it’s not so much in search of prestige or wealth, though those things would be nice in their own way I suppose.

I guess I always strive to be more and more Open. Serial oversharing aside, I really enjoy the process of sharing, I like to share and be shared with. I don’t so much seek attention as seek company. Just sharing one’s presence is a special kind of sharing my more introverted friends taught me over the years. We don’t have to talk to enjoy each others company. We can simply share each other’s presence and that is more than enough.

I’m not much for editing, so forgive me grammar-forward friends, I’m sure if I force myself to do this each day it will get better, but for now I just need to focus on getting an idea out of my head and somewhere else. If not only for catharsis than maybe I’ll “dipshit upwards” and maybe start a conversation or two, nothing big, interacting for the sake of interacting.

I guess I’m coming off a more introspective time in my life and want to share more ideas, conversations, and experiences, but of course in these days of the ‘Rona we have less options on which to see people, at least in person. This is not to discount Social Media. Yes I am aware that social media platforms can be cesspools of nasty human behavior and a possible source for despair, but I guess the same could be said for any tool.

Honestly I have no idea where I’m going with this, but I DO know that I at least would like to try and get some of these ideas outta my head. Most of the time it will be random thoughts and musings on things, but with the aim too hopefully spurn a thought or at least make someone feel that it was worth the few minutes to take to read about my thoughts.

Maybe I should pick a topic…. I mean I will, but right now I’m simply at my keyboard listening to music, chatting with friends and trying to type this out.

I guess I realized lately that it’s usually when I really try and force things, they tend to not get done or simply go awry. So lately I’ve been trying to do instead of direct the train of thoughts only to have it wreck, is just leave it on the tracks and see where it goes. I make no pretense that it will always make sense, or maybe it will?

I don’t know, and honestly that’s ok. Maybe we don’t always worry about where something is going, just be there as it’s going. Much like any art form not everyone is going to get it or even enjoy it and I think that’s ok too.