No More "New Year, New Me"

Deceptive as the title may be, I'm not a cynic to the idea of improvement or any form of self-actualization that may come with "New Year, New Me" fresh starts. To further this string of deception and add a pinch of irony, my resolution is to have more of these fresh starts. But here's the kicker: January 1st doesn't have to be the day to do it! As the fireworks settle (in every other year but 2020), many come to the time of embarking on a change or happening upon a revelation about themselves. I've come to find myself deciding on things I want to start to do late in December but putting a pin in it for the sake of "starting fresh" in the new year. But why do we find ourselves with this sudden motivation to try something once this day comes up? I've found people hold onto this tradition and maybe even break it up to the first day of each month or at the end of something else as the ticket to a new beginning.

I've sat back and thought about it a lot, and I mean A LOT, in 2020. Why, you might ask, was this your mental rabbit hole this year, Arya? Because quarantine and lockdown have led to the feeling of the days blending together and becoming a single day with changing sky. Because I forgot that January 1st was the day I was in when it happened. Because if we are just waiting for the new year to go for something, we may miss it in a blink of an eye. Because when you think about it, the calendar is the only thing that dictates a "January 1" or a "year" at all. I want to be happy, healthy, wealthy, contribute to the world, find my ikagai. I want to be able to express myself freely. I want to be able to truly appreciate the little things. And I want to do it now. Not tomorrow, not next year, but right now. Maybe in 7 business days, I'll have another goal. If so, that goal will be acted upon the moment it manifests in my mind. Get those wheels in motion and then let the inertia keep you going until you get the boost to accelerate! 

In the more wholistic sense of my spiral of thoughts, I think being more active and not having excuses to avoid pursuing your goals is what I want to get at. 2020 was a shift for the world. We've gone through a historical event that will be written in textbooks to come. Workplaces have adapted in technique and technology, social climate and consciousness has changed and hell, even actual climate has changed! Having been given time, involuntarily so, a fair amount of introspection was done. I am a university student studying biochemistry and physics, so essentially a giant nerd. I spent the last few months studying out of my bed, curled up in a haphazard assortment of pillows and blankets, Zoom call on with the camera off, and snacks/drinks (of course, always non-alcoholic...ha..haha.). All this leads up to now.

I have come out the other side of undergraduate with a job landscape akin to the Sahara, dry as hell. Of course, there are still jobs that are taking in as many people as they can get and I found myself in one of them. But with no entertainment in the city and no travel possible, it leaves me with a lot of time. Time to bake goodies, time to rekindle with old hobbies that I can now partake in because I'm not fuelled on a University students' idea of a good night sleep, and time to better myself. YouTube, Khan Academy, Rosetta Stone, etc. are the holy grail for education that can be done in your skivvies. I've always wanted to perfect my French, maybe go on to learn a new language entirely, become more computer-savvy seeing as everything is becoming more attached to those darn things, and try my hand at knitting. When I look back, I probably could have done it during school but I always said "I'll do it when I'm free, when I don't have exams or projects or papers, maybe next month." But I thought of doing the aforementioned months ago and I only started it up recently even though if I had just sat down and took a breather, I could've started sooner. I made excuses to delay starting. I put the target to another month. But it doesn't have to be an self-consuming commitment and things shouldn't be seen as such. I've found that 20 minutes of knitting, 20 minutes of fiddling with my HTML app, 20 minutes of French, those 20 minutes are me finding my inertia, my movement. I want to keep moving. 

To summarize what is a long read of free-flowing thought with a seemingly selfish sentiment, it is all about what I want. And to anyone reading it, say it to yourself. It IS all about what I want. Goals, changes, mindsets, it is ALL about what I want.