Finding my Ikigai

We're all on our own journey together.

Some people have these thoughts upon reaching a milestone, others have these thoughts when starting a new path, and a few may have these thoughts while influenced by various recreational elixirs of choice. What is my purpose? How am I doing in life? Where am I going?

In 2020, the world came to a screeching halt. A pandemic ravaged the earth. We realized what was really "essential" and what activites could be changed or curtailed in order to help save humanity. Now we're slowly, oh so slowly, building the steps to climb out of the canyon this little virus has dug.

While in this mount everest of a hole, I read. I also worked, ate, explored every grocery store in the city, finished my undergraduate degree, had a few Zoom calls, opened a Netflix account, and tried my hand at writing which is why I'm on Vocal. But I read. Read about climate change, management skills, history of Asian recipes, US politics (bye Trump), and everything under the Sun. I read.

Through the myriad of topics, I picked up a small baby blue hardcover the size of my hand simply titled 'Ikagai'. The contents of the sub-200-paged book explained the four pillars, that overlap like flower petals, that the Japanese philosophy uses to determine a person's purpose, a reason for being. What you love, what benefits the world, what sustains you, and what you're good at. Your passion, your profession, your vocation, and your mission. Ikagai.

After finishing this literary ride, I felt high. High in the sense that I was in a waterfall of thoughts and the bed I was lying on as I closed the book started to feel like a lofty cloud in the summer sky. I am a huge physics and biochemistry nerd, validated by my undergraduate degree, and proud of it. But I also love programming. And astronomy. And statistics. Maybe I'm just a sucker for STEM. But then there's cooking. And travel. And philosophy. And gardening. And psychology. So which one do I pick? Do I pick just one?

Then there's the equilibrium. The ability to accept and be able to say no. Giving significance to the small things and being less stressed about bigger issues. To always look out for others but care for yourself the most. It takes a village to raise your baby and you are also that baby. What I mean (and what they may have said more eloquently) is that there is a delicate balance and one has to be introspective and have a healthy outward perspective to maintain it. I always wonder what people think of me, how people see the unconscious microexpressions I emanate, how I'm perceived when I talk, listen, think. It doesn't really come out of self-consciousness, though it might have at one point, but more of a innate curiousity of whether people see what I want them to see. What I want to give off to the world. Happiness, serenity, intelligence, confidence.

I am still lying in my bed at this point, it could have been 2 minutes or 2 hours, but the thoughts kept coming. At this stage in life, I'm not specialized in anything, I'm not overly practiced in any one area. I have dipped my finger in all the paint cans and am a colourful, entropically-deviating, speckled Jackson Pollock. But is the Jack-of-all-trades any good? The current job market confuses me sometimes. They are interested in fresh graduates that have 25 years experience. They want that rich, strong, vibrant colour. I'm 22, almost 23. I'm still in as much infancy as the baby blue of my Ikigai bible. But then a full 180, they want someone who has skills from 5 of the 7 paint cans of the rainbow when I've only bought 2 colours. Which method will sustain me more?

So now, as I float on, I find myself not at a crossroad, but more a roundabout. I can keep driving 'round and 'round until I get dizzy. Or I can make a turn off at one of the arms. Let it take me somewhere. Drive down with my G1 license until I reach the highway where I'll need to upgrade my driver's certification or pay off a cop to let me through. Maybe I'll make a U-turn and find myself at the roundabout again. Looking down the lane of each arm towards it's horizon, seeing which one is the prettiest.

There are things I now am certain of because I took the time to read the tiny tale of Ikigai. I want to experience the world for what it really is, not just the tourist toe-dip into the accessible resorts. I want to be able to do something with my life that is evolving and applicable to any person. I want to to be unapologetically me. But there are also questions I have. What do I truly love enough to make it my life mission? Where do I find myself in the intricacies of humanity? But this is okay. We are all on a journey, and sometimes that's just as good as the destination.