New Year, Healthier Me.

Each year, people make resolutions for how they can be and do better for the year to come. I myself have set New Year’s resolutions in the past only to fail to follow through with them for more than a few months. I'm not sure I believe in a fresh start or all of this "new year, new me" business. But, of course I want to believe that things can get better. I certainly have to believe that the future will be better for our overall health and wellbeing than 2020 was. 2020 was a rough year for so many people. It was a physically, emotionally, but particularly mentally exhausting experience.

I don’t blame people who don’t have resolutions or their life planned out for 2021. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself for being one of those people. I had intended to have resolutions like finding a new job, bettering myself, being creative, etc. And, while those are all admirable and worthwhile objectives, the pressures of tangible goals may be too much for a lot of us in the midst of a pandemic. So, this year I think the focus should be more on mental health wellness—both for myself and for the rest of the world struggling from the repercussions of the COVID-19 pandemic. From that foundation I can learn to take the steps necessary to take care of myself in other ways.

Of course, I would love to exercise more and accomplish goals, but, realistically, in order to do those everyday things one must be able to get oneself out of bed, motivated, and confident enough to try. I want to be more creative. I would love to be more productive. Sometimes I am both of these things. Often though, it feels like I am stumbling aimlessly through a hazy, impenetrable fog. Just waiting for the world to start spinning into motion again.

In the meantime—while we have been stuck in slow motion—I have kept myself very busy in other ways. It has actually been really good for me to be able to take a giant step back from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I have been hanging out with close friends and working on my creativity. I have also accomplished things like gutting and reorganizing—or attempting to anyway—my room since the year began. I have been able to do what I want on my schedule and take the time I need to figure out what I really want moving forward. Or figuring out how to move forward in general instead of being stuck in limbo.

I was actually very happily surprised to find a platform like Vocal where I can express myself and actually make writing consistently a reality. I guess that is one tangible goal I have this year. I do want to create more. Growing up—since I was around eight years old at least—one of my biggest dreams has been to become a published writer. And, ever since I discovered cameras and the wonders of a smartphone, taking pictures of the world around me has been a passion of mine as well. Now, this isn’t the prize winning book I had always imagined, or even the exhibition I have come to crave for my photography, but it is definitely a stepping stone to making writing and creating a big enough habit to ensure that I have enough motivation to push through the bigger projects.

I guess what I’m trying to say is there are a few mental wellness goals I have set for myself this year and I have been setting the groundwork to achieve them. Firstly, I want to engage myself in more positive self-talk. Particularly with the rigors of 2020, my negative self-talk has been a lot more difficult to push to the back of my mind. A TikToker I follow called @onigiri.nana said in one of her videos that a good way to turn your mindset around is to say the negative thing to yourself like you normally would, but follow it up with “but I’m a bad b***h”. I think this is a great idea for transitioning to eliminating self-talk in general. If you struggle with this at all and/or have a mental illness, you know how hard it is to quit negative self-talk cold turkey. One does not simply wake up one day and decide that they are confident enough to conquer the world. But, one could wake up and decide that they’re going to try.

Trying is another thing that I really struggle to do, particularly since I’ve been unemployed. It would probably also help my confidence and self-esteem to be productive more often than I am. That’s why another one of my “goals” is to keep myself and my mind busy and try to accomplish things in my everyday life. This can be as small as doing laundry or as big as entering and winning a competition. Just doing things is the best way for me to feel better about myself. And, I know, everybody struggling with their mental health handles things differently. But, for me at least, getting up and getting started is half the battle.

I would also really like to express myself more. As I mentioned earlier, I am a writer. But, I’m not always good at being a writer—not even usually good at it. I’m an erratic journalist and an infrequent poet. These little essay or story prompts are exercises I haven’t completed in quite some time. But, writing is the best way I know to express how I’m actually feeling. Words don’t always make it from my mind to my mouth in the way I planned. Writing is what I’ve been doing the longest. Maybe if I continue to practice writing, the words will finally translate more easily to other people when I’m speaking.

In general, 2020 was a really rough year—but especially in terms of wellness. Hopefully 2021 will be better in all departments. If I can stick to my tentative resolutions this year should be a lot better than the last. I'm honestly looking forward to the change this year will bring. Of course, nothing will happen overnight. But, if we all attempt to practice positive self-talk, try to do things we love more, and just continue to make little everyday accomplishments, we can increase our mental wellness and maybe even our happiness. So, here’s to moving forward in 2021 and not looking back.