My Manifesting Journey

So like many people, I was in a huge slump.

I suffered from severe anxiety, depression, and I was just all around unhappy. No matter how hard I tried, there was nothing that seemed to be able to pull me from my mental health issues. And I realized, perhaps a little too late, that it was seriously affecting my husband and our marriage. He would tell me that I changed, that I was nasty, that when I "hounded" him and yelled at him that he felt like he was being emotionally abused. I would say horrible things, and expect him to react much differently than he did. It wasn't until he grabbed a bag from his closet, and told me he was leaving that I truly understood what I was doing to him.

In that moment, I panicked. I screamed. I cried. I pulled my hair so hard that I thought it was going to come out. All he did was stare at me with this unidentifiable look on his face. And I just kept replaying what he said minutes before in my head. "I'm not going to stay here if I feel like I'm unwanted, and that's how I feel." Everything in that moment came crashing down on me.

I screamed that I was sorry, and begged him not to leave. I'm a lucky woman in that he didn't, when he could have. He could have left me in the dust, and never come back. Instead, he held me, stroked my back, and assured me that he wasn't leaving. I felt like the worst wife in the world. I felt so lost and angry with myself that I drove him to feel that way. So much that he was willing to walk away.

I spent the rest of that day laying in bed, wondering how I could change myself, change my way of thinking, how to stop making my husband feel like he married some kind of monster. Granted, he never thought that, but that's how I perceived the whole ordeal. My heart was hurting for how I had treated him, and I realized that I needed to do something drastic.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You think I'm a horrible human being and he should have left me. And I don't blame you for thinking that way. From what you've read, you're sure that I wasn't able to change so dramatically that it would make a difference.

However, you are wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

Very, very recently, I began my journey of manifesting and bettering myself. I'm learning tips, tricks, and what it takes to become a better, more enlightened human being.

Every single day I meditate, and take time to dig deeper into myself. I'm learning how to manifest my truest, and most wanted desires. Not for selfish reasons. I want to manifest things, feelings, and desires that will enhance my life and the lives of those around me. It's so that I can be of service to others, much the same way that I am now.

How you ask?

It starts with little things. I communicate with people I know are having a hard time, or I bake a cake and share with my neighbors. I smile at people on my walks through the neighborhood. I make meals for my husband, or do his laundry. Things that will make people happy, put a smile on their face. Nothing has to be big. The point is that if it puts a smile on someones face, then it's all worth it.

Every single act of service, and every single act of self-care enhances my day to day life. It is something that I thought was never attainable, but not only is it attainable but its vital to a person's growth.

Growth is part of life, and people should always be striving to grow.