Meditation Sensation

For years now I thought of myself as half-assed spiritual person. I care about people. I believe, follow, read and watch all the "woo woo" I can get into. I have a wide array of crystals and an extensive pile of prayer beads & malas. It's not just for show because nobody sees these things really. They are mostly confined to the sanctuary that is my home. These are really intended to be reminders to ME to stay focused on spiritual balance and not to get all caught up in the problems and pleasures of the physical realm because I truly do believe we are spiritual beings, eminations of God, living a human existence and as all of us humans know, it ain't easy!

One of the things I've really been "cheating" about was this concept of meditation. I truly do recognize and understand not only it's importance, but that it is a fantastic tool that can literally change your mind, mood and body, but something has always seemed to hold me back. Over the years, I've gained more clarity with age as to the primary obstacle of giving in to a full meditative state and that is FEAR. I remember, one of the few nuggets of wisdom handed to me by my mother was the idea that "where there is fear there can be no love." In fact, this is a Christian based concept straight out of the Bible itself, and although I'm not a Christian and I almost never quote the Bible, this one rings true to my heart as someone whose religion is described as LOVE. The quote comes from 1 John 4:18 where it states "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

So, in past excerpts of lightly touched on some of my early childhood traumas from neglect, abuse, being removed from my first home by CPS, homelessness, bullying and psychological issues that were called "classic book" symptoms of early trauma throughout my childhood and teenage years. The culmination of all this resulted in a suffocating combination of night terrors, panic attacks, manic depressive episodes, high anxiety and a FEAR of almost everything & everyone, including myself! This led to a long-lived distrust of my own brain although I consider myself a rather intelligent person who found ways to miraculously rewire and reset my brain using methods that I only found out in recent years have been prescribed to millions of people to transform their lives. I just wasn't aware anyone was doing this.

One of the primary gurus I have been introduced to in recent years is Dr. Joe Dispenza. He used a very scientific methodology combined with the laws of quantum physics to use his mind over matter in radical self-healing of his broken body following an accident. A large part of how he did this was through the use of a specific kind of meditation. I did not use meditation, but a lot of the other visualizations and practices he uses I did employ for my radical changes that took place between the age of 16-20 whereby I became an entirely different person.

I began to look, act, and associate myself differently than before. I even acquired a different name, appearance, posture and had relocated to an entirely new place where I had no reminders of my former self. I was reborn in many senses of the word, but I've always known I wasn't entirely free from who I used to be & my battered inner child, which I'll discuss on my next essay about my second radical meditation experience in 2021.

So fast forward from those formative years to February 2021, when I turned 40 years old. I decided to make meditation a big part of my year for some reason. Namely, because I was getting into the teachings of Dr. Joe Dispenza, and I notice a few glitches in my programming that were likely impeding my goals. I knew I needed some tweaks in my hard wiring and I figured meditation might be the medication I'd been looking for to work those internal issues out. First things first though, I had to fully admit to myself that I had NEVER REALLY MEDITATED. Oh sure, I'd stared off at a sunset, clearing my mind, or done a bunch of sound baths where I got into a deeply relaxed state, or just focused on something in nature or listened to some spiritual music & guided meditations, but I was either fully conscious and engaged in thoughts or dead asleep. I have a really difficult time reaching that "THETA" brain state, which I imagine, most of us in the modern world struggle. This is that sweet spot right before I would fall asleep, but not where I'm fully at the helm of control steering the massive aircraft carrier that is my overthinking brain. This sweet spot is where radical change and rewiring can occur because this is where we access our subconscious, which is in control of so many of our thoughts and feelings underlying our everyday thoughts, behaviors and feelings.

My definition of successful meditation is that I am able to clear my mind, have an experience that I can recall and I do not fall asleep. One thing I've noticed, is that there is a visual transition that occurs when I am entering a meditative state that really lets me know I am accessing my subconscious...I see colors; a LOT of colors. Typically deep purples, yellows, greens and blues will start drifting across my vision while my eyes are closed. I guess this is what is referred to as the mind's eye or third eye. These colors are vivid and they move in circular or linear motions across my vision, then suddenly, I am overcome by a vision or realization that comes in to full focus & incorporates numerous senses, emotions and curiosity.

I have seen the colors during sound baths, healings and guided meditations, but nothing ever followed the colors. The first time I had a profound experience that actually changed the way I feel about meditation. I settled into my meditation chair and I tried a new meditation tool, I used BINAURAL BEATS to achieve THETA brain waves. Studies have shown that these are the brainwaves that are most active during deep states of meditation as many Buddhists around the world have been actively taking part in studies of the brain at numerous universities. In large part this is because of the 14th Dalai Lama's extreme fascination with science and how it correlates directly with Buddhist practice (Tibetan Buddhism - See Documentary "The Dalai Lama - Scientist").

Now, after reading several of Dr. Joe Dispenza's books where he discusses the various brain waves, neurology, the parts of the brain, neuroplasticity and other scientific phenomenon, I realized I needed some assistance reaching this THETA state. Binaural beats create this effect in the brain when two tones are played at slightly different frequencies at the same time (one in each ear preferably - this is best achieved with good quality headphones). THETA beats are created when these two frequencies are between 4-8Hz different from one another. THETA state is associated with relaxation, creativity, meditation and accessing the subconscious.

So, finally, after all this preamble, I'm going to tell you about my first truly successful, memorable, impactful meditation that really changed how I see & value my meditational practice. One day, I decided to sit in my chair and make myself meditate using these great Binaural Beats I discovered on YouTube. As I was relaxing into the meditation, the colors came and I was overcome with this feeling that something was about to happen.

Suddenly, I felt so cold I knew I was shivering, and the colors were replaced with the sound, smell and even the actual feeling of crawling through a tube on the snow. I knew I was crawling out of a tunnel and in my mind I automatically assumed it was some sort of Igloo structure I was leaving. I could hear the sound of my clothing, which had transformed into winter ski apparel scraping along the floor of the dwelling where there was compacted ice and snow and the sides which were solid ice. This tube of ice and snow as not long and I could see straight ahead of me a large vast tundra of barren land covered in snow and ice with minimal trees, but the ground was gleaming with light, particularly a green glow.

As I exited the ice tube I found myself sprawled on my back staring up into the sky where not only did I see the Milky Way and billions of stars in full panoramic glory, so bright I felt like I could reach out and touch them, but also, above me was the incredible Aurora Borealis, lit brightly with neon greens in every shade blending into deep blue and purple hues that were the most intense colors I had ever seen in my life. I lost my breath for a moment in sheer awe.

I was completely aware that my body was in my living room, in my chair, meditating, listening to binaural beats, but it was as if all my senses had left that body and my soul traveled to this place. I was freezing cold, I could hear the snow, I could smell the ice, I could see the galaxy. I was fully engaged in this experience and I had no sense of time. I don't know if I was laying there looking at it for 1 minute or 1 hour, but there's no way a person could convince me that I was not there in some kind of manifestation. I should add I've never seen this kind of place within my 40 years in this lifetime. This was not a memory. I was fully cognoscente and then I was back home just as suddenly as I had arrived in the Arctic, I was back in my California beach cottage sitting in my chair listening to my headphones and I woke up in complete ecstasy as though I had really just seen the Aurora Borealis as real as I had just had a conversation with a friend or gone to the beach. This was only the beginning of things to come.