Loving Yourself

For my birthday this year, I decided to dedicate an entire year to just loving myself. I am studying to be a doctor and I've always spent more time caring for other people than myself. It wasn't until my recent mental breakdown that I realized how important taking care of myself was. For years people have been telling me that you can't love anyone until you love yourself. But what did that mean exactly? I had no idea until I started my own journey. Now I understand, you can never truly experience happiness until you love yourself and you cannot accept another person's flaws until you accept your own.

Loving yourself can be a grueling task that requires you to look at all those deep, dark, ugly parts about yourself that you don't want to see. It's about facing your fears, taking care of your body, doing things because you love them, but most of all.....accepting yourself exactly the way you are. This doesn't mean you can't make changes if you want. On the contrary, if you don't like something about yourself, change it! But sitting around thinking about how much you hate yourself is not going to fix your problems. I understand why loving yourself is one of the lessons learned later in life. It's tough, and you have to be willing to be brutally honest with yourself, which means you need to be ready to hear what you don't want to hear.

It wasn't until I met my twin flame that I realized the importance of loving oneself. My twin was always pointing things out to me that I was doing "wrong." Or at least that's how I took it. In reality, I was not ready to face my own shadows so I felt threatened when he would point things out and I would react defensively. Being on my own has been the greatest blessing. It's given me a chance to look at my darkest shadows in private and handle them however I please. I've already done so much work, although recently, I've realized that one of my biggest challenges lies just ahead. It is time to face my addictions.

Addiction can mean a lot of things to different people. For me, I am addicted to substances and hair pulling. Lately, I can't seem to cope with reality unless I'm ingesting something, and the hair pulling is related to an anxiety disorder known as trichotillomania. While this is considered a psychiatric condition, to me it still falls under the idea of addiction. I must learn how to control my anxiety...and I firmly believe that learning to love myself down to my very core, will help me do this.

I can honestly say that learning to love oneself is not pretty. The process involves a lot of tears, possibly some screaming, and maybe even self-destruction while you're learning to cope with the new energies that are replacing older ones. One thing I've learned, is that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Learning to love oneself is unique to every individual. Some people do well with affirmations, some do better with physical movement, some enjoy going through the process with other people. Finding the most comfortable method for you is crucial for success. It's important to commit to this once you've made the decision, otherwise you will make no progress and get frustrated. The journey to love yourself is a long one and if you are not patient with yourself, it will make the process that much more difficult. So, listen closely to your body, if you need a break, take it. There is no race and no competition, this is your journey to follow as you please. However, if you need a little push to get started or just need a helping hand, I've listed some sources below to help give you guidance during this challenging time. Just remember, I love you. Do you love you?

Sources:

https://lonerwolf.com/how-to-love-yourself-more/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201401/3-ways-learn-love-yourself

https://www.louisehay.com/do-you-truly-know-how-to-love-yourself/