Looking back: 2025 was a beast

It's difficult to know how to start this. I've suggested that it's been a tough one from my title and in many ways, it has; however, there is an argument that it's not been that extraordinary at all, merely this wonderful thing we call "life" with all its climaxes and pitfalls.

What I will say is that I have learnt a lot this year. There's a lot of reasons for that:

1. I've reached an age where chances are I have less years on this planet left than I have lived already - a sobering thought;
2. My boys are becoming men and whilst it's gratifying to see them become independent of me, it is also leaving me a little empty;
3. I have become more conscious of my health and especially my body with its aches and its twinges and its gripes, things that I have been lucky enough not to have to deal with until now;
4. Technology is fast becoming an indomitable force that we may not be able to reckon with;
5. People are easily fooled or at least, are prepared to turn a blind eye to abominable behaviour, exploitation and lies, as long as they feel that they will benefit from its spoils;
6. People die. People you know, people you like, people you love. Icons, familiars, strangers.
7. The joy of travel never diminishes;
8. I've always believed this but never more so than now - things always happen for a reason.

***

I've reached an age where chances are I have less years on this planet left than I have lived already - a sobering thought

I'm 52. If I live to 92, I've already passed my hump year. Maybe I'll live until I'm 105, in which case, I'm just approaching that mid point. This is doubtful and besides, I have mixed feelings about living to really old age. If I had my faculties and a degree of independence then maybe but if my body breaks down and I'm blind and deaf or mad, then it might be better to put me down like an old dog.

I don't intend to let life pass me by. I have trips planned, books to read, personal growth experiences for myself but life is forever moving on and who knows what it will bring?

My boys are becoming men and whilst it's gratifying to see them become independent of me, it is also leaving me a little empty

My beautiful boys and this is what they are and will continue to be: my beautiful boys. But inevitably, they are becoming young men and this is a wonderful thing to see. There was a time where I wondered if I would ever hold a child of my own so to have two heading towards independent adulthood is a win indeed. I am grateful for this, more than I could ever express.

But with the success of nurture and love, comes separation and a shifting in the dynamic between mother and son. I can see the benefits of this but it also fills me with an ordinate amount of sadness and a wistfulness for things now gone, irretrievable and located only in memories, scrapbooks, the odd video; or expressions glimpsed occasionally in a softened glance or relaxed moment before the assuming adult character mask is repositioned, heralding a future being faced by them, beyond me.

It is the clichéd double-edged sword and it stings with its cutting blade.

I have become more conscious of my health and especially my body with its aches and its twinges and its gripes, things that I have been lucky enough not to have to deal with until now

I don't think I have anything serious wrong with me but I don't feel as plump as once I was. I still have a spring in my step, although this is more to do with the sole of my Skechers than young joints, and a love for life. I have my fresh gaze and my open mind but my grey hairs, crinkly cleavage and chin whiskers remind me that I am past my prime. I'm sort of okay with this but part of me is sad that I don't bounce back with the same vigour after a long walk and too much fatty food gives me night sweats.

I try to focus on the privilege of being here, living and doing that comfortably without external restriction. I'm pretty lucky really.

But I could do without the reminders that the shell I am in is wearing out and I don't have the powers of the hermit crab.

Technology is fast becoming an indomitable force that we may not be able to reckon with

I have, it is fair to say, mixed feelings about technology. I can see its benefit but I also thinks it makes you lazy. The rise of AI in particular is troubling and I know: it's amazing. And it is. There is no denying its capabilities. Time-saving and all that.

In response to that though, I would say: what are you saving that time for? I do hope it's soul-enriching but chances are, it's not.

And: why don't you want to think for yourself? Why don't you want to create something yourself? Why don't you want to challenge yourself? Why let a machine do it for you?

Technology and AI are good for certain things but I'm a great proponent of "If you can do it yourself, do it yourself". Sometimes, I crave a map and the uncertainty of interpreting it, just for the rush of not knowing and the achievement when you've safely got to your destination. The spoon-feeding of instructions from a detached computer voice is easier but does it give you such a sense of success?

Writing. This is going to be reduced to its bare bones by AI. I can already see it withering. It's one of the reasons why I'm not on Vocal as much, the insipid arrival of AI. This year, I have purchased a diary. It is a beautiful thing: teal green with a gold honeycomb pattern with bee motif and a clasp to close it. In it, I am going to write. Just whatever I want and I may publish some for the internet; I may not. I want to share but I don't want my ideas used by a bot for its improvement. I do, however, want these ideas to spill out of me and be shaped into a tangible form to be experienced on the page. I can't wait for Jan 1st.

People are easily fooled or at least, are prepared to turn a blind eye to abominable behaviour, exploitation and lies, as long as they feel that they will benefit from its spoils

I think of the charlatans of old, the salesmen who touted their wares behind stalls, promising that their elixir would stop your aches and pains or their potion would make you more attractive to the opposite sex or win you wealth. You want to believe it's true, maybe buy into it, maybe convince yourself that there's been an improvement but secretly, in your soul, you know that what you've been sold is something noxious and useless. You feel aggrieved at this but you can't speak up because then your gullibility and your stupidity would be on show for all to see. You've been shafted - best not draw attention to it. Hide it with bluster and defiance so that your embarrassment and shame remains inside where it festers and don't aim it at the salesman! Aim it at those round you weaker, the easier targets who fold with your rancour and cower with your angry indignation.

I needed that rant.

I thought we were older and wiser, that we were more astute, balanced thinkers but it appears not. Actually, that's not totally true as I do see people questioning the world that we are currently living in and the leaders to whom we look and it gives me heart. Respect, justice and decorum are in limited supply though as is an awareness of our fellow man.

I fear for the erosion of all that is good but know that good has a fighting spirit and greater awareness of salesmen.

People die. People you know, people you like, people you love. Icons, familiars, strangers.

I've lost people this year. It's been hard. With elderly parents, I don't expect it to get any easier. Best enjoy your loved ones while you can and that's what I propose to do in 2026. Savour their presence and revel in their company. Make memories to add to others already stored.

The joy of travel never diminishes

I live a life where I get to see things, experience things, visit things. Other countries, other cities, historical sites, theatres, cultural hotspots. I am a lucky girl.

This year? Biarritz. Holst and Beethoven at the Royal Albert Hall in London. The Rockies, skiing. Krakow and Auschwitz.

Next year? Istanbul and Seville confirmed but who knows where else? So much still to see, taste, smell, walk, hear, ride.

And while I can do it, I will.

I've always believed this but never more so than now - things always happen for a reason

I lost my job this year. I liked the job but I especially liked my office colleagues. I was sad to lose it. I need a job as university education is expensive and I want to provide my sons with the means to live relatively debt free. It's part of my role as mum - to provide but also to show I care and can step up to help in whatever way I can. I am a role model and I take that seriously.

It was a blow, being made redundant but you move on. I got temporary work: as a receptionist, as a supply teacher. I learnt that more and more as I get older, I am a creature of habit. I find new situations intimidating and my anxiety levels push me to the limits of my own rationality and self-control. But, I can survive these situations and feel more confident for having done so.

This is the biggest thing that I can take away from this year: I am a capable, confident woman who is skilled and useful and has a lot to offer. I may be in my fifties but there is, as the saying goes, life in the old dog yet and this one is willing to learn new tricks. Losing my job opened life up for me in another way. I was a little scared at the prospect of finding a job again but I did find several, even if they were temporary and now, I'm in a fab permanent situation with a job that suits me in terms of what is required, the environment in which I work and the hours I'm there plus I'm surrounded by a whole new set of lovely colleagues.

I'm settled again and it's a good feeling but if it changes, I'll be good too.

So, to conclude, 2025 was a beast but I feel like I tamed it.

So here's to 2026. Writing, crafting, healthier eating and exercise, trips away and more living. And I want 2026 to know: I am here, ready and eager to see what it's got.

Humble but confident and prepared.

Like Anthony Joshua to its Jake Paul.