Let’s Not Shame People For Having a 2020 Kind of Day

On New Year’s Eve 2020, while scrolling through my Instagram, I came across an “inspirational” brag posted by an entrepreneur.

To paraphrase his words, it went something like, “Everyone else is out there wasting their time with beer, parties, and junk food. But I’m here strategizing and making plans on how to crush it in 2021.”

The same person had posted previously about how “losers” are just sitting on their couches and being “useless”, while he was hustling hard. And this was the difference in mindsets that distinguished successful people like him from the pathetic ones.

Now, to be honest, this person has accomplished some remarkable things. I admire his determination, talent, and consistency. I’m sure he will find all the success he is working towards, and yes, he may deserve it.

But what was the need to put down those who aren’t crushing it like he is?

I spent my New Year’s Eve curled up in a blanket because I was feeling terrible about something personal. I wasn’t hustling or making plans or writing down resolutions. I was overwhelmed and drained. And reading that post just made me feel a bit worse.

I realize we should not be taking these words to heart. So many people say all sorts of things on social media, and if we listened to them all, we would lose our minds. But, this is not a rarity. This practice of looking down on people who cannot keep up with a set pace has become alarmingly common.

What makes people “losers”?

There may be several reasons people are unable to keep going and working hard constantly.

1. Mental health struggles

One of the most aggravating concerns is that many pompous critics completely ignore the possibility of mental illness. Maybe the person you judge for their habits is depressed or unwell. Maybe they are just unable to be “better”.

As shown in this UN policy brief on Covid-19 and mental health,

“Not surprisingly, higher-than-usual levels of symptoms of depression and anxiety have been recorded in various countries.

A large study in Amhara Regional State, Ethiopia, in April 2020, reported an estimated 33% prevalence rate of symptoms consistent with depressive disorder, a 3-fold increase compared to estimates from Ethiopia before the epidemic.”

Judging someone is not okay, but even more so in such cases, where people pass tone-deaf comments without having a shred of compassion. How can we just assume that every human being out there is perfectly okay?

2. Laziness and procrastination

In the defense of some critics who can’t get off their high horse, they do have a point. There are many of us who have big goals and unhealthy habits that are keeping us from spending our time productively. And if we want to reach our goals, we simply have to change our ways.

But does that make it weak to take a break if your body or mind isn’t up for a task? Psychologists have explained that with collective anxiety on the rise, and shifting priorities, we simply don’t feel like doing ordinary tasks that seem to be meaningless.

“Burnout impacts both our energy — making it hard to do much of anything — and our self-regulation. Procrastination can be a sign or outcome of burnout.”

— Sarah Greenberg, licensed psychotherapist

In the face of such an overwhelming reality, we should not be bombarding our minds with attacks about how we’re just making excuses and ruining our lives by not being up for the hustle.

3. Different desires and goals

There are many people who simply don’t want this kind of lifestyle. They find their happiness in other things, maybe simpler, rarer, or less lucrative things. And the general idea of hustling all the time is just not for them. They’re content with what their hearts tell them to go after.

Why has it become a normal thing to shame people for relaxing? For not wanting a fast-paced life? For not being full of ambitious and exhilarating ideas?

It’s time we understand that if someone doesn’t want the same things as we do, and they just have different aspirations, it is completely fine.

I would say I fall more in the first two categories from above, but I don’t expect wonders to happen for me without making any effort. I work hard at what I do and seek out opportunities. In 2020, I did three internships and started one job. And, when I’m not working that full-time IT job, I’m a freelance writer.

Never have I thought of berating or talking down to those of my friends who aren’t really doing something concrete. I know people who are still struggling to find a job or anything that interests them. But it doesn't come naturally to make snide comments or pinpoint their flaws. And it wouldn't come to me even if I had a huge six-figure business that I run successfully.

The bottom line is, we need to stop scorning people for not being able to live their lives in a certain way.

Your existence is a feat by itself — go easy on yourself

Hearing this throughout 2020 was music to my ears. I loved how people were being empathetic and it became universally acceptable to feel under the weather. We all agreed that binge-watching TV on the couch with pizza does not make someone eligible to be taunted.

So, in a global pandemic, with unprecedented things happening left and right, people’s health and finances going down the drain, it is okay to not be okay. Of course, it’s okay! And I was so happy that we found it in us to be kinder and gentler with ourselves and others.

So, what about 2021? What about 2022, 2023, and all the coming years? Are we going back to saying that if you don’t have it in you to be “on” all the time, you’re a loser? No.

The way I see it, 2020 was not just a year. It was a state of living. We found it normal when horrible things happened last year and we chalked them up to 2020, right? Because we saw it as something cruel and depressing.

Well, can we open our minds enough to consider that our 2021 could be someone else’s personal 2020? I don’t know about you, but I’ve had plenty of personal 2020s. And I would have appreciated someone telling me to go easy on myself.

I support the concept of making resolutions and working hard towards my goals. But I can't pretend like I don't have crippling depression and anxiety. I cannot pretend like a change in the calendar is going to fix the chaos in my life.

I will try, of course. But right now, I believe that my resolutions will fall into place as I keep moving forward, taking life one day at a time. What I do know for sure is that the first step to a healthier lifestyle starts with this mindset right here.

I wish you all the success in discarding the pain and horror of the last year, but this is one mindset of empathy and kindness that is not to be left behind. Let’s make this practice a part of us for 2021 and all the years to come.

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This story was originally published here by the author. Thank you for reading!