It's not over

27 years old, she dwells on everything she wishes she had. If she hadn't had kids so young would she have been able to finish school and started a career that she's dreamed of for so long? Watching on social media as her peers from school all do just that. Graduating, starting careers, married. Even with kids. So all she can wonder is what is she doing wrong?? She is hardworking, optimistic, ambitious, all of the above and just can't seem to grasp a hold of any thing she has dreamed of. So, then she tells herself she cant blame it on the kids it is not their fault. She thinks it was really the lack of support, not having a support system and having the weight of literally everything falling on her shoulders still to this day. Again, watching on social media her peers that have active family member who are involved, which means for the most part they have a little help. She doesn't regret her kids but she wishes should could've had a set foundation before she started having kids, although her first child was born when she was just 15. Now she's 12 years old and all her mama wants to do is give her the life shes been chasing for 12 years since having her baby girl. Sitting with a thousand thoughts in her head just waiting for the light bulb to pop out and for her to have come up with the perfect plan. Already back in school and finishing her GED, already working third shift 5 days a week and still needing more income she feels stuck. So much still needed and so much to do she is completely burnt out. Shes starting to feel herself in a funk not wanting to be bothered just simply wanting to be alone and just hide. Not knowing where to start because what can she really do now that she isn't already doing? So close to graduating with her GED and trying to figure out what she's going to do once she done. Again, she's 27 so she feels like she's already starting late in the game. Nursing school takes 4 years... so that's four years she will still have to wait to begin a career if that's what she chose to do. So that's out the window because she cant wait 4 more years.

Then we have the problems within herself. Mad at herself because her life is not at all suitable for her. She knows she can't give up, she tells herself it will get better than this. She tells herself it's not over. "It's not over but where do I start?" Mad at herself because her kids have not yet had a content life. She can't be fun and outgoing with them because she's constantly just wishing they had more. Overthinking all the time and that also makes her frustrated and not wanting to be bothered. So she's irritated the second the kids come home from school because here she goes not knowing how to hide the fact that she's in this funk so the energy shifts to the kids and it's total chaos.

She is me.

She remains hopeful though, and she wont give up. She is still going to finish school and going to find something she loves to do. It will get better than this. It is not over.