Impostor Syndrome

Have you ever felt like a fraud, created something beautiful and put it down because it's just a hobby, there's no way it'd be good enough to go to market? Never considered that you created something unique that is of value to others?

Have you ever been placed first in a competition, where you've gone through sweat and tears to beat your opponents, to be the person on top, but somehow in the pit of your stomach you feel as though you haven't really earned it? Maybe everyone you played against shouldn't have been there, that you're not truly the best? I've been there. And not even fighting for every last point, having a million mental breakdowns in my head as I was trying to calm myself before every point, and then being ceded number one in my section could make me believe that I deserved that spot. This is badminton. "Badminton? Oh, that game that you hit a feather thing over the net." My excuse, "I played in the C section. They're not the top players and this is badminton, after all." Never mind that it's the C section in a national tournament of all the top players in the country.

"Darn it, you young dummy, that is absolutely amazing!!" That's what my brain should have been telling me, but somehow for some reason we sabotage ourselves. And why? We should be our biggest advocates. We should be our own biggest fans. We should be the first person to ourselves how amazing we are!

I have so many talents. (Even saying it sounds fake, "Who's this person with all these talents? Can't be me.) I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. That's what I keep telling myself. But why do I believe this? Why is it embedded in me that I can't be that person who is talented, I can't be this person that did well in a national championship because I had earned it? Why do I put myself in this little box, shutting myself off from what the world has to offer because I don't feel good enough?

My mindset is all part of the Imposter Syndrome, it's limiting me from achieving because I cannot give credit where credit is due. It's that sneaky little voice in my head telling me, "It's not good enough. You're not good enough. You just got lucky."

All my life I've limited myself because I've grown up in a middle-class family, where money was always tight and even the idea of wealth seemed unrealistic. Who am I to think I could make it and be that person driving the nice car or living the high life? And to be honest, it's hit my personal life to. When I was younger, I never went for the guy I wanted because who was I to think that that guy would ever be interested in me? And if that guy showed interest, "He must be drunk." Seriously, those were my thoughts. My limiting thoughts. When I think back now on how much I probably missed out on because I didn't think I deserved the success or the win, it's a little disheartening.

We put ourselves into tiny little boxes, believing that our success is limited to this tiny space, when actually the room is so much bigger than we can imagine and the opportunities are so vast. We limit ourselves by believing that we’re only entitled to what’s in that box. And it’s not true! So don’t let your success be hindered by that tiny voice. Take charge of that inner voice and believe you deserve everything you achieve. It took me a long time to start realizing how limiting my thoughts have been. That, no, you are not an impostor. You have earned everything you've worked for and you can achieve so much more if you allow yourself to see your true potential and live that person, be that person!

We need to stop blocking our own paths to success and believe that we too can succeed and have a right to be standing on that podium. We have a right to claim our fame. At this point in my life, a middle-aged mom with a young family, I am all about ensuring that my girls don't grow up with that mentality. They need to know that world truly is their oyster. We need to start being our own supporters, our own fans, our own backers, and just be more positive. You are not an impostor in your own life. You are the main character, so stop acting like you're a bit player and be the hero that you can be. I am all about positivity. I never used to be. I'm quitting that mentality. I am ready to start this new chapter of my life in the role of the lead and I hope that I can encourage others to do the same.