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Ignoring What Other People Think of Me and How I Did It

How I Overcame My Concern with What the Opinions of Other People Were of Me

By The Enlightenment JourneyPublished 10 months ago 7 min read
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Ignoring What Other People Think of Me and How I Did It
Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Put your own needs above those of other people. Don't let fear of rejection, disapproval, or hatred keep you from being yourself. - Parker, Smitha

On August 4, 2022, I decided to finally chop off my long, thick, and lovely hair.

I walked up Sandy Boulevard in Portland, Oregon, into Take Pride Barbershop, and sat down next to the toughest barber there. After calming my last-minute nerves, she cut my shoulder-length hair with the clippers.

Instantaneous freedom was granted.

Four years of internal debate and worry, centered on the question, "What would others think?"  culminated in my finally working up the courage to do it. Is it possible that I may pass for a man? How will other people see me now? I'm afraid people will condemn me if they find out I'm ugly. What if I have an unusually shaped head? Do you think I'll need to slap on a lot of makeup?

Obviously, my thoughts and worries were heavily influenced by conventional notions of femininity and attractiveness. Long hair is often associated with femininity and beauty. The old adage holds that young women shouldn't walk about with short hair. If you want to seem feminine, but your hair is short, you could put on some jewelry and makeup.

But finally, I abandoned all my doubts, defied my parents' expectations, and did it. Get rid of the hair! I said.

I've never felt more gorgeous, confident, or free.

It's easier for me to be myself.

It's as though the barriers between my true self and the outside world have crumbled. My true nature is that of a sensual, bold, and violent creature that is both tender and fierce at different times. My true self is someone who has a healthy skepticism toward established standards and authorities.

I also feel like my ego is thinning. Because my hair was a major indicator of my femininity, whether I liked it or not. Hair is an expert communicator, able to transmit a wide range of meanings through appearance alone. Personality, sexual orientation, wealth, age, and even health may all be inferred from the state of one's hair.

Since I no longer have a lengthy mane, I like to think that my unique character is the only thing that can be inferred from a single glance at my head of hair. You can't tell anything about my gender, sexuality, wealth, age, or health just by looking at me. From my toned muscles and clear skin, people should be able to conclude that I'm healthy, yet some people take one look at my short hair and assume I have cancer.

The proclamation reads, "I make up and follow my own rules." And I would want this to be the one thing about me that is well known.

The trimmed length of my hair adds an air of mystery while also alleviating people's concerns about the myriad of other indicators of identity that may be read from it.

Even though I've shed part of my ego, I still get a lot of attention since my buzzed head makes such a bold statement. There are several outward signs of this concentration.

Perhaps you'll say, "Excuse me, sir... oh!" In other words, I'm addressing you as ma'am.

Sometimes others may tell you, "You need to wear lipstick to look more feminine." (Who told you I wanted to look girlier?)

Sometimes people may say things like "OMG, you're so beautiful" or "I love your hair."

Sometimes I'll get guacamole for free.

People on the street usually seem happy as they pass me by.

Every time I go to the dance floor, the coffee shop, or the post office, I see wistful looks.

I appreciate the comments (who doesn't? ), but I don't take them personally since I know that true beauty comes from inside and that my true nature is dazzling and strong. The opinions of others about my perceived gender, physical attractiveness, or lack thereof no longer bother me. It doesn't bother me if people in Idaho assume I'm dying of cancer. I don't give a hoot if people think I look like a guy since I'm not wearing any makeup. (What's wrong with looking like a skinny teenage boy?)

Not worrying about anything and being completely at peace with who I am is the pinnacle of freedom for me.

When other people react positively or negatively to my hair, I know it has nothing to do with me. If I elicited that kind of reaction from them, I must have touched a nerve. I ignited in them a desire to be independent of other people's expectations.

In the best of cases, I allow them some wiggle room to be daring with themselves. One of the things I love most about having short hair is when women tell me that they finally had the courage to get a buzz cut because of me. They were too terrified of what other people would say, but after seeing me do it, they had the courage to try it themselves. Wow, that's powerful.

So, although a woman's hairdo may seem unremarkable and trivial, it really plays a small but crucial role in helping women gain autonomy and confidence.

A woman's inner strength is ignited when she rejects conventional beauty norms, and she then goes on to make other liberating choices as a result.

For me, this has taken the form of improved sexual confidence, which has translated into more fun and candor in the bedroom and a willingness to more openly discuss what I want.

After I buzzed my hair, I found that I had more time in my day. It used to take me forever to decide how to wear my hair, how often to wash it, and whether or not to highlight it. Because of this, I now have more room in my head.

I've been able to save more money as a result of not having to spend hundreds of dollars on highlights and cuts any longer. My fiancee gives me a buzz cut, and I bleach it myself while I'm at home.

This means I am free to wear anything I choose. Sometimes I feel like expressing my femininity through my clothing. At times, I like to dress in a style that emphasizes my masculinity. As someone who used to worry a lot about her tomboyishness and lack of interest in cosmetics, I can now say that embracing those aspects of my identity has been a crucial part of my road toward healing and growth.

As a consequence, I feel my sensuality has deepened. When I'm in the shower, I can really give my head a good rub. When it's sunny and hot, the sun kisses me with all its might. On a breezy morning, I dance beautifully with the breeze. My crown chakra is activated when my fiance kisses me on the dance floor. My walls are coming down, and I'm feeling more connected to the world. Now I feel more at home here. My awareness of my connection to nature has deepened.

It's all because I had my hair cropped, I'm afraid.

So, I'll close with some words of wisdom:

Since others will constantly be talking about you and making assumptions about you, you may as well do what makes you happy.

Second, you shouldn't take things personally and should instead pay attention to how you feel about yourself first, since the way other people see you has less to do with you and more to do with them.

Feel free to have a buzz cut if you so desire. If you cut it off and decide you don't like it, it will grow back. But I wager that you will like it.

Let's get up and be the most fearless, liberated, and confident versions of ourselves!

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About the Creator

The Enlightenment Journey

All About Spirituality, Metaphysics, and Self-Help Articles

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https://theenlightenmentjourney.com

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