I Used to Think That Love is All You Need

Before I had been in a serious long-term relationship, I thought being in one automatically made you happy. I believed that having a partner meant you'd be perfectly content with life, and that everything would be fine. And don't get me wrong, I've never been a Cinderella or Snow White. I've always had my own ambitions and lots of goals I want to achieve - other than falling in love. But whenever I saw people in relationships be sad and unhappy, I was confused as to how they could feel that low when they had a special someone. I don't know why specifically I had this mindset. I guess I either thought the person's support would make you so strong that you could easily handle anything that would come up, or that the love you had for them would overshadow any bad things in your life.

After reading that your wedding day is usually the happiest day of your life and that you'll probably never feel that much joy again, I totally glorified the idea of marriage in my head. I've always been a hopeless romantic, and I developed the misconception that getting married would automatically make your life happy. I was never the girl who made a Pinterest board fantasising about her wedding day or anything like that, but it did make me want to get married, and I think I considered it something that was important for my life to go well. I had the expectation that finding your soulmate and spending your life with them would make everything okay.

Looking back, it's hard to even imagine myself having this perception of life. Now, as a person who very much thinks you're responsible for your own happiness, I can't believe I thought a relationship would magically make you a happy person. I think my reasoning was that having someone "on my team" and being us two, automatically would make everything seem easier. I had this romanticised idea of it being "us against the world", and therefore everything would be a lot easier to deal with. And this was when I was young and without the worries and struggles of adult life.

Of course, I now know how wrong I was. Being in a relationship doesn't turn your whole life around and change everything for the better. Sad things will still be sad, and stuff that's difficult will still be difficult. Having a partner doesn't equal everything in your life going well. A relationship brings happiness, but it doesn't magically make everything better in an instant. A partner will be a happy piece of your life, but not the only source of happiness that you need. It's also one you shouldn't rely on. It's not your partner's job to ensure you're okay, it's yours. If you want a happy life, you need to build that for yourself, not expect your partner to be all you need.

The other side to this is that you can't make another person happy either. You can't magically make their life perfect and transform them into a happy person. That's way too much pressure to put on yourself, and way outside of your responsibility. Being a partner doesn't come with a job description, there's nothing you're obligated to do, let alone such unrealistic things. I've been in a relationship with an emotionally unstable person living with inner turmoil. That's not something that can be fixed by getting into a relationship. You don't have the power to improve a person's mental health or life conditions and magically take away everything that's bad. I've seen first-hand that having someone who loves you doesn't make you happy. Love isn't all you need.