I Made A Mistake

Today, I made a mistake.

Looking back, I still don't see the signs -- the red flags -- instead I see my guard down, unsuspicious to what's happening before me. The questions I should've asked. Questions that would have alerted me to these signs.

Today I was scammed.

Today I lost money.

And that feeling hurts.

It wasn't loosing the money itself that hurt the most. It was the bruised pride, the embarrassment I felt upon realising what had happened.

Unfortnately, it was cash. So it's never coming back to us. But I can live with that, I can move on from that.

What hurts the most is my realisation at how difficult it is to accept these normal human emotions. Embarrassment, resentment at myself.

I dislike myself whenever I make a mistake.

Perfectionism is something I struggle with. I try and preach "practice makes good results," instead of "practice makes perfect," because perfect is impossible to obtain.

So why can't I allow myself to mess up? Why must I feel so negatively on myself when I end up in a screw up situation?

Human nature will always involve making mistakes. Big or small. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. So why must we carry that burden to be perfect at all times when we know we're setting ourselves up for failure?

Mistakes and failures are not the end of the world. No matter how existence-ending they may seem initially.

Superman will never need to fly around the planet to turn back time.

Instead, when the hurt in my chest dulled, I chose to look at things in a different light.

I looked for any upside possible.

And today, I found a few.

It was a bed and mattress. We were sold a bed frame a size too small and a mattress a size too big, neither worth the price tag we were told. But our family can make use of the bed frame and while not what we wanted, the mattress still appears new and somewhat decent. So we're going to sell it onto someone who needs and can use a mattress that size.

Our guard will be up again in the future. We'll remember this as a refresher course and make sure we double and triple check from now on. Even the friendliest of faces will be approached with caution -- though if they turn out to be legitimate, it won't be an issue.

Yes, we lost money. But fortunately we're in an extremely fortunate position where we budget well and had the money spare. Could it have gone on something actually useful? Yes. Can we do it next month instead, or when we make some money back? Also yes.

I was embarrassed to speak to people, admit what had happened after so excitedly sharing our new purchase with them. Somehow feeling I would be looked down on or not capable. But that's all coming from the perfectionist in my head. Instead, they agreed it was a disheartening incident, but also reminded us that sadly, these things do happen in life.

And it will happen to you every now and then.

Because we're human.

And my gods, are we allowed to make these mistakes. I went in with good intentions, it isn't my fault the other party didn't do the same.

I stant by my intention to do good, to make good choices. I also know that when the world decides to trip me up, fall on the videogame classic banana peel on the floor, I can pull myself up from the ground, dust myself off and feel what I am allowed to feel.

Because I am human. And I am allowed to make mistakes.