i'm getting a headache

I'm losing my patience.

It's hysterical how we take the things we do everyday for granted.

It's hysterical how we think things like doing laundry or grocery shopping are normal and boring until they become a task that involves so many procedures. Check to see if the store is open, check to see if you have a mask, don't forget the hand sanitizer, don't bring your own shopping bags. Don't touch anything you don't plan on buying, don't get to close to anybody else. Only go out if you need too, but make sure you are going out so you don't lose your mind. Meanwhile, everyone and their mother has decided now would be the perfect time to buy a bike or take up walking.

I'm not trying to say that precautions should not be taken. They absolutely should be taken, without a doubt. Most people I see around me however look as if they are sick of taking precautions, they are ignoring the guidelines set in order to keep others safe. Freedom is being taken away from people who feel like they are entitled to their freedom. I've had so many headaches in the past week because my mind can't wrap it's head around it. I've seen so many debates on social media. People don't listen. This worries me a bit. Are dolphins finally going to be smarter than us? What's so hard about listening? First you hoard all the toilet paper and hand sanitizer, then you clean out the grocery stores, wear masks for months and then decide to not wear them?

Give me a break, seriously. Just give me a break.

I'm getting a headache as I write this. I'm tired of reading comments from people, tired of 2020 all together - who's busy writing the script about this year? Who's drafting the pages in the history books? Who's ready for those in the future to look back and say "well, sheesh."

Sheesh is right.

I miss traffic. I miss going to the office. I miss having the space in between work and home where I can just sit by myself with others on their way to work and going home. Everything is blending together and surrounded by mom's commenting that their kids won't wear masks to school, won't wear masks anywhere. I see faces on screens during virtual meetings. Zoom is an absolute nightmare, and absolute necessity.

Working from home is okay, but it was only really "okay" for the first two weeks. You can only be productive for so long. Work starts becoming home when you've lost the motivation to try to stick to any morning routine. Now it's just wake up, work all day, watch something, sleep, repeat. There's no in-between - no separation. There's no free coffee and desk trinkets in sight.

I'm running low on Tylenol, but there's a whole process to go out and get it. At least the headaches are allowing me to feel something other than boredom. Can you be bored from being bored? I don't know.

I've done countless meditations and made thousands of lists, but I am still not feeling completely myself. I can be a mountain, be visualizing a mountain, and I can visualize myself on top of a mountain all I want. I know I'm a mountain, but mountains don't move - so I don't get it.

Perhaps I'm not making sense. I've given up on making sense. There's no sense anywhere anymore, we are all just checking off days on a calendar at this point. How is it that one year managed to feel like ten, and it's not even over with yet?

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