How Your Expectations Can Hold You Back and Keep You Unhappy

"My happiness grows in proportion to my acceptance, and is very much in line with what I expect." ~ Anonymous

I used to be an exemplary student. I grew up well in university and seemed to meet all the expectations of our historic community.

Having chosen a Business Masters from a well-established university in the Netherlands, I was being trained to work for international companies, which I thought was what I wanted to do.

I was led to believe that a bright future awaited me as soon as I received this magic paper, and who would not want that? I never gave it a second thought and just pushed myself into my studies as much as possible.

Of course, being a financially challenged student and having to pay for my education had its challenges, but it also had its ups and downs. Other than that, study came to me easily. Success gave me a purpose and a great sense of self-worth.

I was yearning for a degree and finally for real life. I was desperate to be able to make good money, and I thought I was happy, with my boyfriend, living that adult life with all the benefits that come with it.

I had no idea what was waiting for me. There was this so-called economic crisis and, even though I was posting my resume online, my phone was not ringing and companies were urging me to work for them. On the contrary, in fact.

I was rejected after being rejected, unable to find a job that was suitable for my education, and ended up working in a coffee shop for a pittance.

I would get up at 4:00 am and serve cappuccinos to people on their way to university or to their adult jobs. I had to face the strangers covered in milk bubbles, feeling like I was “written under” under my forehead. I felt like a complete failure.

When I came home from work, having no problems and no sleep, I looked for jobs that I could put in. I held back, while eagerly embarking on the tasks I had spent so much time studying, I felt angry at those jobs at the same time.

They all seemed boring or overly restrictive, did not fit into my routine, and, above all, seemed insignificant to me. I began to see that getting into this milling machine would save my life and make me very unhappy and empty.

So I was there, I finally got a degree, the money I was earning did not include my rent, I had a huge student loan debt and I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. Soon afterward, I became physically ill and, as soon as I thought that things would not be so bad, my relationship ended, leaving me alone, miserable, unconscious, and broken.

There was: a growing gap between my expectations and reality. To say that I am dissatisfied would be an understatement. It is safe to say that I had a complete psychiatric disorder.

My whole self-confidence depended on the success and love of the other person, but now I had nothing left to cling to. I was completely disgusted and felt ashamed of where I was in life, convinced that there must be something very wrong with me.

Now how do you begin to deal with that? I can tell you that it doesn't help at all (because I've tried them all):

Spending your days at home scrolling on Facebook and comparing yourself to everyone who seems to have their own life together.

Watching Netflix while you hit the chocolate and pretend the truth doesn’t exist.

Indulging in alcoholic beverages, drugs, and tobacco will only arouse in you a sense of total deception.

Spending hours finally focusing on the situation, overthinking and reexamining it, asking yourself, 'Why me?'

Too bad for you by not being where you want to be, speaking badly to you, and feeling worthless for yourself.

Throwing yourself into the hands of the next man (or woman) who is clearly not the right partner for you, hopefully will fix you, or at least alleviate the pain. This leads to more dramatization and more serious cracks.

These types of activities can lead you to think that you are helping yourself, because they bring temporary relief, but you end up causing a lot of damage.

I was trapped in deep, dark depression and had no idea how to get out of it. I spent hours lying on the floor crying with my eyes closed, praying that this would end.

I decided that working for me was the only way to get out of this predicament. I started reading a lot of books on personal development, went back to my yoga practice, and began to turn around and apply thinking in my daily life.

I followed a thoughtful course and sat down for at least thirty minutes in daily silence to use my mental meditation. That is what changed my whole world.

Not immediately, but gradually, my mind and vision began to change and, as a result, my outer world also changed.

By thinking I have learned to accept that instead of being angry and fighting. I stopped judging both myself and myself, which helped me to stop beating myself up for not being where I wanted to be.

It gave me the strength to give up everything I had been waiting for (a lot that wasn’t mine to start with) and be there with whatever I have now.

Before my journey of thinking, the idea of ​​accepting and not judging a situation sounded like a failure to me, like doing nothing. At university I was organized to compete, analyze, fight… everything but accept.

Although it may seem like an easy way out, fully embracing the existing one can be a big challenge. But that is the only way to move forward.

That is a mystery, which can sometimes be difficult to understand. Only by accepting A is we able to move to B, and only by doing this every day when I first heard and understood that.